Weekly Volcano Blogs: Walkie Talkie Blog

November 13, 2014 at 11:37am

Judging by the Trailer: "Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas"

Washed-up kid-star-turned-professional-God-botherer Kirk Cameron teaches his own family the true meaning of the season.

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First things first: Yes, this is a real movie. No, you did not pass out in a snow drift, the friendly visage of Kirk Cameron beckoning you toward eternal salvation. This is a production that almost certainly involved cameras and crew and some sort of catering company to keep said crew motivated to tell the story of how atheists and the government continue to crusade against your god-given right to say, "Merry Christmas."

I've personally seen two Kirk Cameron-starring religious vehicles (the first two Left Behind movies), so the sudden presence of Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas doesn't quite surprise me. What does surprise me is the tone of this trailer, which must set a record for the time it takes for our atheist strawman to get knocked down by our Christian hero's impeccable arguments. Christian movies, like this one, always have atheist strawmen who need to see the light, but this one seems to be depicting the debate at light-speed.

Kirk Cameron stars as Kirk, and Saving Christmas' writer/director Darren Doane costars as Christian, who is having a crisis of faith. Sitting in a car, together, Christian lays out all the things that are wrong with the holiday (the Christmas tree is based on a Pagan tradition, Jesus wasn't born in December, etc.), while Kirk Cameron condescendingly wonders about what phrases like "season's greetings" even mean. Doane's manic performance feels like a man doing his best impression of Robin Williams riffing, so I can now also blame Saving Christmas for making me think of how much I miss Robin Williams.

Once Christian is shown that Christmas really is all about pretty lights and jubilant breakdancing, everything's in the clear. Which makes me wonder just what the rest of the movie is. If you want to see a truly batshit take on the "War of Christmas" genre of film, I'd suggest Last Ounce of Courage. That one has a cowboy Jesus ghost, so it's automatically better than this garbage.

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