Weekly Volcano Blogs: Walkie Talkie Blog

October 23, 2014 at 2:22pm

Judging by the Trailer: "Ouija"

"Ouija" filmmaker Stiles White has ??" you guessed it ??" never directed a picture before. ...

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We're through the looking glass, here, people. Thirty years after Clue became a movie and everyone began simultaneously making snarky comments about what other board games might limp out of uninspired Hollywood producer's closets and out onto the screen, we now have Ouija. Of course, this does come after the brutal disappointment that was Battleship (how they made it through that entire movie without getting Liam Neeson to solemnly utter, "You sunk my battleship," is beyond me), and presumably before the adaptation of Candyland, but this must still be a milestone of some sort.

Yes, the classic sleepover game does have a fair bit more traction as a property that could reasonably be made into a movie - pulling taffy and "light as a feather, stiff as a board" might have a rougher transition - though the trailer seems to reveal a movie that is blissfully unaware of the inherent hokiness of its concept. If I gave you five minutes to come up with what the Ouija movie would be about, something tells me you'd present me with something like this.

Think of it like Jumanji with ghosts, which might be the exact pitch that got this movie made. A girl finds an Ouija board in her house, creepy stuff happens, she dies and then a group her way-too-old-to-believe-in-Ouija-boards friends decide to use the spirit board to reach her on the other side. And then, it's just more of the same haunted house jump scares that have dominated mainstream horror movies since Paranormal Activity came out. Dear god, I hope audiences will grow as tired of surreal mirror gags in these movies as I have. Here's hoping slashers come back in style.

But, if we're adapting board games, might I suggest Sorry? That game's some backstabbing bullshit. I can see it easily becoming a David Mamet war of the sexes and/or world of finance psychodrama.

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