Weekly Volcano Blogs: Walkie Talkie Blog

December 18, 2007 at 1:43pm

Toilet Tales: Satellite Coffee

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It's the little things that make me happy, and little was certainly the case when I visited Satellite Coffee on Division in the Stadium District.  The place is little, it's secluded, and it's now one of my favorite little coffee shops.  The little fact that all the guy behind the counter had to do to make me happy was smile his beautiful smile at me, thank me while looking me in the eye, and treat me like a welcome guest.

What else was little?  The bathroom.  And what little thing in the bathroom made me smile?  The friggen Stink-O-Meter.  Good God Almighty, that little thing just made my Toilet Tale lovin day.

So as I stare at the Stink-O-Meter, I think of things that really crank up my own personal Stink-O-Meter.  I mainly think of certain people, and certain human actions that really piss me off.

I think of the guy in the teal minivan on Highway 16 last week.  He had some sort of road rage or car envy or was jealous I was a human being or something.  The guy wouldn't let me pass him, then drove next to me, rolled down his window, and started flipping me off.  I thought it was Gene Simmons at first, but that would've been silly.  The guy in the teal minivan was WAY too ugly to be Gene Simmons.  He was cussing at me, then he brought out a doughnut and was holding it up and I guess he was trying to tell me I was fat.  I mean, I could stand to lose some weight, but I am by no means to the point where a middle-aged Gene Simmons look alike should be taking the time to stop me on the street to tell me.  And what the fuck was he doing with a box of doughnuts in his car at three p.m. on a Thursday afternoon?  Even if I were to ever eat doughnuts, it's a Sunday morning kind of treat.  This guy was a freak.  I had no problem calling 911 on that douche bag.

Then I think of people who gossip, people who have no respect for other people's religion or opinion, and people who don't give the courtesy wave when you let them into traffic.  There's also the guys and girls with the better than you attitude, where egos get in the way. 

This reminds me of a beer distributor I regret meeting the other night.  He first told me how he hated the Tacoma Beer Society. (Why?  Because we buy beer and increase sales???)  And how we were ruining local bars and taverns, and that we were going to be the ultimate reason they were in the red with their bottom line. (Huh? Because we are promoting local bars and bringing them business on otherwise slow Wednesday nights???)  So I asked him, with all due respect, if he knew a way to make us better since he thought we were so absolutely shitty.  He said yes, he had the tell-all final answer for the TBS, yet he was going to REFUSE to tell us.  Then he picked up his phone, calculated the minutes we'd been talking, and let me know exactly how many minutes he had just wasted talking to me.  What. The. Fuck.  Wow.  I guess the TBS will just have to make sure the bars order from different vendors than his from now on.  That really sucks.

Fortunately it was as I was leaving the little bathroom in the little Satellite Coffee place, that I caught one more adorable glimpse of the most perfect smile I had seen in a long time.  It was the guy who made me the most perfect little Americano.

So here's a little thank you, Mr. Satellite Coffee barista guy, I'll definitely be back.

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