I have, in my possession, rare video footage just waiting for the perfect blackmail opportunity.  It involves Weekly Volcano co-publisher Ron Swarner and his oddly profound karaoke rendition of the B-52's "Love Shack."  It's a scene many of you are probably quite familiar with, I'm sure:  A group of friends join you for a celebratory night out, a few drinks get consumed, Puget Sound Pizza busts out the microphone, and before you know it you're deciding which Journey song best fits this evening's inebriated state of mind.

C'mon, admit it.  You know exactly what I'm talking about.  And I also know you picked"Don't Stop Believin'."

Beyond the stereotypical drunken karaoke cries of Jon Bon Jovi-gone-bad, lies a world of amateur songbirds "that love to sing, some so much so that they even bring their own karaoke discs," according to local columnist Susan Sawyer.  Sue, as her friends call her (she asked me to just call her Susan), is a columnist for a local karaoke publication duly named Karaoke & Live Entertainment.  "Every night of the week you can find somewhere to do karaoke," she tells me, "and some places even have live bands instead of discs, like Ma's in Puyallup and Jazzbones' Rockaraoke here in Tacoma."

As I spoke with Sawyer over the phone, her no-bullshit attitude and extensive knowledge of all things sing-along impressed me so much that my note taking ended up looking like a third-grader's book report after a Ritalin overdose.  Over a week after talking to her, I returned to these notes, and here's what I can gather from the chicken-scratch:

Can you make money doing karaoke? 

Not so much; $50 here or there, maybe, according to Sawyer.

Is there a big, well-known karaoke competition around these parts?  

Bars sometimes put up loads of money in sponsorships, while people compete for the ultimate prize of singing the National Anthem at the Evergreen State Fair, Sawyer points out. 

Has she ever judged a karaoke contest? 

Yes, Sawyer recently was a judge at Lady Luck Cowgirl Up. 

From my phone voice, could she tell if I would ever impress the judges in song? 

(No answer.)

According to Sawyer, some of the most surprisingly hot places for the sport of karaoke are Farrelli's Pizza in DuPont, Denny's in Lakewood and Jade Palace Chinese Restaurant in University Place.  

"LaPalma in Lakewood has an older crowd that sings more of the slower song standards. Good karaoke moves people (singers) along, and has an excellent mix of everything between hip-hop, country, pop and those slow standards," Sawyer says.

Of course, we all know there are some songs in the karaoke world that are overplayed and overdone.  I asked her which songs she'd be happy to never hear from an amateur again. 

"Oh, you mean my ‘hit list'?" Sawyer asks, then confiding," If I never hear the songs "Crazy" by Patsy Cline, "I Love Rock ‘n' Roll" by Joan Jett or "Love Shack" by the B-52's again, I'll be completely happy."

"Love Shack"?  I think my blackmail video just became a tad more valuable.