"What a fabulous day here in Thunderdome, Don!"

"Boy, you are right about that, Ted."

"Well, let's check back in on the action on the floor, Don. It's day 642 of the special session, with the Majority Democrats still unable to agree on a tax plan."

"You can say that again, Ted. I've seen some staring contests before in my day, but this takes it to a whole new level."

"Has anyone checked these people for pulses lately?"

"You may have a point there, Ted. These people could be stone dead in their seats. They haven't moved in months."

"Well, Don, when engaged in tense negotiations like these, you have to pay attention to the details, the very slight movements, the nuances. It's a very technical game, and normal schmoes like us taxpayers just don't understand it."

"Boy you could say that again, Ted. We are idiots, aren't we?"

"That's right, Don. We'll be back after a word from our sponsor, Globochem Pharmaceuticals, who remind you, if you can define an ailment, we can design a pill."

I snapped awake suddenly, not knowing where I was at first. After a few tense seconds, I recognized the hot, stale air of marble and half-truths, and knew I had fallen asleep in the Senate gallery. There was a Mexican man in a jumpsuit vacuuming the carpet, but otherwise we were alone.  Using ninja-like skills I brushed aside the stalagmite of dried drool and curled back into a ball, content to sleep and dream through it all.

"Folks we are back in action on the floor, and we have seen some exciting developments here at Thunderdome. It appears that a new tax proposal has come to the table."

"You are absolutely right about that, Don."

"We are now going live to our on-floor reporter, Ahmad Rashad. Ahmad?"

"Thanks, Ted. I have not been this excited about seeing some action since Phylicia stopped nagging me to be more like Bill."

"That is fantastic news, Ahmad! Now, we saw a commotion down near the press tables a moment ago. What happened? Was it KPLU correspondent Austin Jenkins tripping on another laptop power cord again?"

"No, Ted, although we had feared the worst. Apparently Marv Albert was under one of the tables in a black negligee, and his toupee had slipped down over his face, making him nearly invisible. We are getting a report from the locker room that he had been out with numerous ranking Republocrats last night drinking mai tais at the Bailey Motor Inn. Having veered far away from his honeymoon suite at the Holly Motel, he wound up underneath Jenkins' station. He was soundly passed out, no doubt dreaming of puppies. And, maybe bondage. When we cut away to commercial, he stumbled out from under the table, breaking Frank Chopp's intense concentration on Lisa Brown. We believe it was the combination of the "Party Naked" beer coozie and the Busch Light can in Albert's hand that spurred an actual idea, and it sounds like a beer tax may be in the works. Again, these are preliminary reports."

"Ahmad, is there any specifics available about the tax plan?"

"Well, Don, early reports say it could be levied in conjunction with the soda tax and a candy tax, as a way to eliminate the need to raise the sales tax, or invoke something like an income tax, which was proposed by ‘The Spokane Hammer', Lisa Brown."

"Boy, she does have a nice potential tax pump-fake, doesn't she?"

"You're right about that, Ted. Reminds me of Tim Hardaway's crossover."

"You said it, Don."

"Gentlemen, we are also hearing reports the beer  tax would only effect mass-produced beers from large manufacturers like Budweiser, Miller and Coors,  while not taxing local micro-brews or smaller out-of-state breweries that so many of our residents enjoy."

"So, Ahmad, If I like to hobnob at the Fish Tale Ale Brewery and Pub with other notable state employees or city council members, we won't be effected drinking our fine locally brewed hand-crafted ales?"

"No, Ted, you wouldn't. But if you're, say, one of the many folks who don't have the money for yuppie beers and, instead, you enjoy a cold Coors Light after work, you're shit-outta-luck."

"Thank goodness we moved out of Pacific County, Ted."

"You're right about that, Don."

"Ahmad, we're just about to run to another commercial here, any word on the whereabouts or the condition of Marv Albert?"

"Don, he was last seen wandering towards Rob McKenna's office with Michael Steele's credit card, saying something about 'The Vu only ever having three ugly ones.'"

"Creepy and prophetic, Ahmad."

"Well, Ted, we're going to cut away to commercial, but folks stick around, we'll be right back to Unnecessary Stalemate 3000, right after these messages."

Somewhere, in a perfect world, I awoke to the sound of shattering High Life empties upon the Governor's front door.