This week I met Cindy Murphy, and I might've just met my twin sister from a past life.  For five of my past lives, I've been told by various entities that I had a crazy, perverted twin sister with two hot sons out there, and one day I would find her.  In one of my lives - occurring somewhere around 4 B.C. - I had a Buddhist monk enlighten me to the whereabouts of her location, but my search proved unsuccessful.  During another past life - which took me through the Great Depression - a fresh-off-the-boat Italian newsboy uttered the words, "la vostra sorella è vicino," which either means "Your sister is near" or "I'm sleeping with my sister for money."  In order to help me feel hopeful, I took it to mean the former.

Now, here I am in 2010, a 21-year-old (just go along with it), happenin' woman strolling St. Helen's on a crisp, almost spring day - and whadda ya know - I stumble upon one of the coolest novelty and gift shops in Tacoma, Brownie Morrison.  Cindy Murphy is inside.  She's cute, she's full of energy, and I'm most certain she's a tad on the clinically insane side. 

Like I said - I think she's my twin.

STEPH DEROSA: Hi, I was wondering if you had any smartass birthday cards, BAND-AIDS shaped like bacon, or publications that mocked religion?  Anything that would offend my mother-in-law would be much appreciated.

CINDY MURPHY: Oh yes, I do!  But you have to wait a second; this scene coming up in Strangers With Candy is hilarious. 

(Turns up TV)

DEROSA: Um, OK.  Mind if I sit down and watch?

MURPHY: Sure, but all I have is a wheelchair.  $40 at Goodwill, I couldn't pass it up.

DEROSA: So, is your name Brownie Morrison?

MURPHY: No, that's my porn name.  Brownie was my first pet; Morrison was the street I grew up on.

(Harmon Brewery owner, Pat Nagle, enters store)

PAT NAGLE: Hi Cindy!  Oh, Steph's here.  Crap.  Steph, please don't corrupt Brownie Morrison.  This store is a place to come and laugh, even buy a few things if you want. Try to be nice to Cindy. 

DEROSA: No problem, Pat.  I was just going to ask her a few questions.  Like, if she had two hot sons?

NAGLE: Steph, NO!

MORRISON: Why, as a matter of fact I do!

DEROSA: Hoorah!  I knew that Italian newsboy wasn't sleeping with his sister.

[Brownie Morrison, 711 St. Helens Ave. #104, Tacoma, 253.683.2924]