In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least gives you something to think about other than that decrepit image of Pete Townshend's gut falling out with every windmill at the Super Bowl halftime show.

It's not the most important of jobs, but someone has to do it. At the Weekly Volcano Crime Desk - along with waiting of the Nintendo Wii to come out with a drinking game - it's our life's work.

This week's Ragnet takes us south to South Tacoma Way, where the money can be dirty.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

There are all sorts of things to believe in, in this world of ours. Religion, Santa Claus, Rich Marriot - it's sometimes difficult to know where to put your faith.

Then, people like Tanya Sanchez Michel and her husband Jimmy Colon Michel come along - and things become a little clearer. It's safe to trust almost no one, as this devious couple proved last summer in Tacoma.

According to reports, Tanya and Jimmy were both charged on Friday, Feb. 5 with multiple counts of theft stemming from the alleged swindling of 16 people last year from their "store," the Botanica Centro de Consultas near the 8600 block of South Tacoma Way, to the tune of almost $140,000. Apparently, the Botanica Centro de Consultas was known for selling candles, incense and other items - as well as offering the "spells" of Mrs. Michel - who went by the name Senora Monica.

Senora Monica promoted herself as a fixer of all problems, even advertising on local, Spanish-speaking radio stations - offering to cure limp penises, nervous disorders, employment problems, alcoholism and drug addictions.

Senora Monica also fancied herself a "cleanser" - which is where the real trouble started.

Apparently, after meeting Senora Monica at least 16 people employed the "entrepreneur" to help them "cleanse" their money. Money is dirty, as we all know - so it's no surprise people would seek to have their dough cleansed.

Senora Monica collected $140,000 worth of "dirty" money from her unwitting clients during a string of sessions at her store. Shockingly, when it came time for the final session - where victims were to get their "clean" money back - Senora Monica and her husband disappeared. The store remained closed, and the clients - no doubt with a sinking feeling of stupidity in their guts - contacted authorities.

As it turns out, Senora Monica didn't have any real powers - except criminal ones - and her and her husband are accused of running off with the cash.

Soon after, investigators learned the information provided on the business license for Botanica Centro de Consultas was bogus, and the man who rented the storefront paid cash.

No doubt dirty cash. - Jonathan Goldsmith, Money Cleansing Crime Correspondent