In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job- we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least helps you think about something other than the image of Greg Oden's junk now forever burned into your consciousness thanks to the magic of "sexting" and the depravity of the Internet.

It's not the most important of jobs, but someone has to do it. At the Weekly Volcano Crime Desk - along with trying to figure out how to take credit for the trending topic #iTampon - it's our life's work.

This week's Ragnet takes us to the Red Wind Casino, where it's best to keep a close watch on your valuables.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

Taking a gamble

There's no denying it and no way around it: The appeal of casinos is money - specifically the prospect of going home with a short stack of hundreds you didn't show up with. The buffets are nice. The "entertainment" can be interesting. The chance to smoke indoors is always appreciated. But people visit a casino for one reason - money.

And sometimes those people are crooks.

According to published reports, last Friday night, Jan. 22, police were called to the Red Wind Casino, located in the 12000 block of Yelm Highway Southeast, after a man reported he'd lost his wallet. Casino surveillance footage later showed something more devious, which led Red Wind officials to get the police involved. The man had apparently dropped his wallet, and wasn't sure what happened after that.

Once the police arrived and the surveillance video was reviewed, what had happened to the man's wallet quickly became apparent. Whether a trained professional or simply in the right place at the right time, authorities allege 31-year-old Kathleen Autumn Joy Jones noticed the man drop his wallet, and keenly jumped into action.

According to published reports, police say Red Wind surveillance footage shows Jones kicking the man's wallet out from underneath him, before he's able to notice it. Footage then shows Jones picking up the wallet and bolting - which makes sense since she was now leaving the casino with more cash than she'd showed up with - the goal of every gambler.

Unfortunately for Jones, she's got an unmistakable mug - or has just had far too many run-ins with the law - and Thurston County cops recognized her from the casino's surveillance footage. When authorities visited Jones' residence the next day, she predictably denied involvement - though police were able to arrest her anyway on a previous outstanding warrant. 

As if things weren't going poorly enough for Jones, when detectives rummaged through her purse they located a $4 receipt - which may or may not have resulted from the purchase of a Rockstar Energy Drink and a Slim Jim. The receipt, in a blow to Jones' case, came from using a stolen credit card from the man's wallet - nearly rock solid evidence of the Jones' guilt.

But, to top it all off - detectives also found a substance that tested positive for methamphetamine inside the woman's purse - meaning Jones now has far more troubling charges to deal with than the ones that originate from swiping the wallet.

Ah, tweakers. So predictable, and so classic. - Wyatt James II, Meth Crime Correspondent