As young Emily, this year's Volcano SOTA intern, sat shotgun in the DeRosa Troublemobile she asked, "So, what's your plan for doing your Trouble with DeRosa column?"  

Plan?  Silly interns and their dreamy ideas.  With what we're doing here at the Weekly Volcano, we don't need a "plan."  

For a brief moment I thought I'd try and go easy on young Emily, but that idea instantly shattered as we approached Roger's Taxidermy off Bridgeport Way in Lakewood.  Dead, skinned animals?  My stomach jiggled with glee at the thought of disgusting Intern Emily to the point of corruption.  I'd have loved to see her dial 911, slap me in the face and report me to PETA.  Bwahahahahahaa!!  

I quickly made an illegal U-turn, pulled the Troublemobile into Roger's parking lot, and wishfully anticipated Intern Emily's repulsion.

No such luck.  She freakin' LOVED it.  Balls!

INTERN EMILY: So this is what you do for Trouble with DeRosa?  Just drive down the street and wait to see something interesting?

STEPH DEROSA: Pretty much. Disappointed?

EMILY: Nah, it's cool, but a taxidermy business?

DEROSA: Scared?  You want to run away?  Well I'm driving, so you CAN'T!

EMILY: No problem, I've always wanted to find out what they do here.

DEROSA: Hmmmm, well if you're not repulsed now, just wait until we ask about skinning the animals!  Gross, right?

EMILY: Skinned animals?  Cool!  I dare you to wear one of those animal fur wraps.

DEROSA: Ew, gross. Hey - you're the intern, YOU should wear it.

EMILIY: Sure!  I'll do it!

DEROSA:  Dammit, you're not scared of anything.  

EMILY: Awww, look at all the cute animals!  This place is AWESOME!  I'm so glad I brought my camera.

DEROSA: You sure are taking a lot of pictures, Intern Emily.  Stop being so damn eager. You and your blissful youth, untainted mind and cirrhosis-free liver. You're making me look bad.

EMILY: Make you look bad?  That's not hard to do.  You didn't even bring paper to write on when you knew you were going to be interviewing people.  You make illegal U-turns and fondle the fake, clay tongues of these poor, deceased animals.  And should I really need to remind you that you've already been warned once about straddling the life-sized stuffed cougar?  Oh, and by the way, cougars don't whinny like horses do, so making that noise had no effect on the visual you were trying create.

DEROSA: Operation Corrupt Intern Emily = FAIL.