Bandito Betty has no kids (thank God), but she does have something she calls a "dogson."  Gag me.  She's one of those creepy pet owners who would put her dog in a Baby Bjorn and let it eat in a highchair next to her at a restaurant if she could.  And by "if she could," I mean: She would do it if it didn't come at the high price of painful DeRosa ridicule and constant Volcano-column badgering. 

Like, um, what I'm doing right now.

When Bandito informed me she heard of an Italian Greyhound litter up for sale at Pets & Pals on North Pearl Street, suspicions crept inside my heart that her "dogson" might soon be acquiring a "dogbrother."  I knew as soon as she held that puppy, it would be hers. 

So, as she cradled her future "dogbaby," I perused Pets & Pals extensive reptile and exotic pet display.  I also found employee Autumn, who gladly answered all of my curious inquisitions.

STEPH DEROSA: How long have you worked here in this pet shop?

AUTUMN WRIGHT: I've been with Pets & Pals for six years.  The owners have another shop in Gig Harbor that I've been at most of the time.

DEROSA: So this place is independently owned?  Nice!  You guys certainly do have a lot of different species in glass aquariums.  I see spiders, frogs, fish, turtles, snakes, and a small rodent that resembles one of my Weekly Volcano editors.  What is the most exotic pet you've seen housed here in your past six years?

WRIGHT: A flying squirrel. 

*BRAAAAAAAK!* (Loud bird noise)

DEROSA: WHAT THE F*** WAS THAT?

WRIGHT: Magoo!  Stop yelling at Steph!

DEROSA: What in the hell is a Magoo?!?

WRIGHT: He's our macaw.  Didn't you notice his huge cage in the center of our store?

DEROSA: Uh, yeah, I guess I was a little distracted by the caged Boa constrictors and pet tarantulas for sale.  Just that gave me the heebie-jeebies, now I have to deal with the fact an oversized bird just made me crap my pants. 
WRIGHT: Awe, Magoo has been with us since 1992. He would never mean to scare you.  He's a perpetual 3 year old and can say simple words on demand.  People love him!

DEROSA: Does he say any bad words?

WRIGHT: No that would be inappropriate!  Never!

MAGOO: Braaaaaak!  What the f*** was that?  Braaaaak!

DEROSA: Oops.

[Pets & Pals, 2405 N. Pearl St., Tacoma, 253.756.7060]