WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TODAY >>>

Pierce County Council: It voted in a countywide tax to pay for projects ranging from rebuilding levees to buying up flood-prone properties. (News Tribune)

It's Official: State health officials say whooping cough has reached epidemic levels in Washington. (News Tribune)

The Grand Cinema: The Tacoma independent film house starts its 15^th anniversary run with deals every day. (Weekly Volcano)

Dallas Area: It was hit by huge tornadoes. (CNN)

Presidential Election: Mitt Romney tightened his grip on the Republican nomination on Tuesday, and found himself in his first direct engagement with President Obama. (The New York Times)

Late Night On CBS: David Letterman and Craig Ferguson are still in. (Yahoo)

The Beatles - The Next Generation: James McCartney (Paul's son), Sean Lennon (John's son), Dhani Harrison (George's son) and Zak Starkey (Ringo Starr's son) are considering forming a band. (USA Today)

Mansome: Will Arnett and Jason Bateman offer amusing stories and observations about male bathroom secrets. (USA Today)

The Vanity Project Project: Listening to the Corey Feldman prog-rock album. (The AWL)

Cats Vs. Watermelon: It's a century old battle. (Buzzfeed)

You Knew It Was Coming: @FatBettyFrancis. (Twitter)

Only One More Month!

WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TODAY >>>

Russell Building: Will it be bought at a discount and cheapen downtown Tacoma? (News Tribune)

Pierce County Council: Its still in charge of its salaries. (News Tribune)

Syd's Boot: Pacific Avenue's giant boot has walked off. (News Tribune)

Holy Rosary School Students: They're not talking. (King5)

Super Tuesday: Romney can't light his cigar with burning thousand dollar bills yet. (CNN)

We Have No Idea What This Means, But Exciting!: US scientists report seeing tentative evidence of the Higgs boson, at a mass similar to the hints seen at the Large Hadron Collider. (BBC)

Twitter: Lady Gaga wins! (Yahoo)

Young Anakin Skywalker: Not a happy Jedi. (Black Book)

Bill & Ted 3: Dude! (Den Of Geek)

Super Morrissey Bros.: The Smiths meet Nintendo (but does Super Mario roll around on the ground?) (Rolling Stone)

There Goes The Neighborhood: It is the Lollipop House, the Lollipop House, the Lollipop House. (Fubiz)

Could You Use A Little Of This Today?

WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TODAY >>>

Pacific Lutheran University: The institution hires its 13^th president, who's not Lutheran. (News Tribune)

Point Ruston: The $150 million mixed-use retail and office complex will offer 3-D glasses and popcorn at its center. (News Tribune)

2012: Severe storms leave a trail of death and destruction through the Midwest. (CNN)

Gas At $5 A Gallon?: Major disruption in oil supplies could make it happen. (The New York Times)

Syria: Rebel fighters say they are tactically withdrawing from the besieged Baba Amr quarter of Homs after nearly a month of government shelling. (BBC)

140-Character Limbo: Where to tweets go when they die? (Mother Board)

Spread The Love: 13 Dr. Seuss pickup lines for your potential Sneech Muffin. (How About We)

Das Ist Sehr Gut: Star Wars yoga. (Thaeger)

HANGING OUT WITH THE SOCIAL MEDIA CLUB-TACOMA >>>

Social Media Club-Tacoma's first gathering of the year leaned more toward the "social" side than "media." A small group gathered Tuesday at the Harmon Tap Room to chat social media, play a few games and tip a few brews. Games included name that celebrity Tweet maker and a random drawing based on who had the closest number of Twitter followers to the number Kevin Freitas's smartphone app generated.

Game winners scored passes to The Grand Cinema, City Club events and Point Defiance Zoo. Erik Handberg also donated a copy of his book, The Marinara Murders.

To get in on the action, follow the Social Media Club-Tacoma here.

Hi! Welcome to Petty Questions - a new advice column about trivial things. Let's get started.

QUESTION #1

Volcanoes are always trying to jack my swag. How can I protect my swag, without sacrificing that which makes me love volcanoes? 
-Bemused In Bellingham

BIB, you're playing me for a fool. If I wanted someone to sell me snake oil I'd go back in time with machines. Let's cut the carp fish.

There are no volcanoes trying to jack your swag. I say that with almost a lot of certainty.

It's completely physically unlikely, one. And two, even if there were any volcanoes actively trying to steal from you, why not put on an extra deadbolt and store your diamonds in a safety deposit box? They call it that because it's secure from everything.

You could've come up with that. You probably did already. Do I look like an idiot for answering your question now? Sure. Does making me look like an idiot make you look like a double idiot? I really hope so in all honesty, BIB, prankster.

Please take this seriously. I look so stupid now. If you're not going to be responsible and mature and nice, well then-go forget yourself. And I mean that.

QUESTION #2

My ignorance concerning popular culture is absurd, be it of music, movies, or even television. How might I acclimate myself to the world of pop culture and acquire the necessary trivia to impress my friends at parties?
-Still Watches Seinfeld

Here's all you need to know about stuff.

Television: "Seinfeld," good. "Monty Python," good. British TV in general, worse than you would think. "Curb Your Enthusiasm," good. British TV comedy writer Armando Iannucci, underrated in the US. "I'm Alan Partridge" starring Steve Coogan and produced by Armando Iannucci, take my word that it's completely worth it. "Two and a Half Men," cannot compare with anything written by Armando Iannucci (b. November 28, 1963).

Music: Rolling Stones, They Might Be Giants, LCD Soundsystem, Joy Division, New Order, ELO, The Kinks, Leonard Cohen, Lily Allen, The Magnetic Fields, The Wainwrights/McGarrigles, The National, Neil Young, Of Montreal, Randy Newman, Regina Spektor, Radiohead, Spoon, Steely Dan-awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome. But have you ever heard of The Beatles? They did a Led cover once.

(Did you know? Armando Iannucci is actually Scottish.)

Movies: Here's what it comes down to. Are you a Truffaut freak or a Brooks brother? Wes Andersonian or Michael Bay-esque? Because it's alright to like different kinds of movies. It's our tastes and personalities that make us unique.

(Who wrote the critically-acclaimed hit comedy about political (dys)functionaries, "In the Loop?" Armando Iannucci wrote and directed this movie.)

But how do you use all this data-infotainment? Watch:

You: Hi, lady. (wink)

Lady: Hello, cool guy.

You: Quick question. Do you happen to enjoy the finer things in life, including but not limited to deluxe love? (wink)

Lady: (wink)

This way you don't ever even need to bring up all the pop culture you don't understand. Before I forget, Twitter is pretty big because it does all sorts of convenient tasks I think.

Say though that you are forced at gunpoint to talk about all this popul. cult. That's how parties go every now and then. Well, do I have a suggestion for you!

Somebody somewhere wrote a book about how to talk about books you've never read, mostly in case you run into a party by accident. That somebody is Pierre Bayard and the book is "How to Talk About Books You Haven't Read" (Bloomsbury; $14.96 Amazon.com).

Personally, I'd suggest reading that book instead of reading this lousy column. Bayard is so smart they allowed him to write a book. I only have enough wits to write for the best alternative weekly in the whole South Sound, the number one competitor with The Stranger in lobbies all across this dirt-in-your-eyes, can-do, takin'-names, DIY town we call The Grits-Tacoma. My rag sheet is the Weekly Volcano, and it's enough for me. So play it safe, listen to a sophisticated Seattilite on this one. I'm sure his education will pay off more than my meager two cents.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go work with my hands, for pay.

(To be clear legally: Pierre Bayard is not from Seattle, or Washington. He is from France. Owen Bates was born in Seattle and likes to take day-trips there. He is afraid of touching things with his hands, even safe normal things.)

Coming up next week in Act II: roommates. You can't live with them, at least in certain cities. Well, that's pretty much the whole preview.

Please direct questions to: askpettyquestions@gmail.com.

The Weekly Volcano follows Tweeting celebrities so you don't have to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

Today, checking in with...

Terrell Owens!

Aug. 18: Terrell Owens is no Dick Butkus

"just got a mani/pedi @ Ambiance. Hands & feet r feeling nice after 2 weeks of training camp!!!" web

Aug. 16: Terrell Owens wants people to be perfectly clear

"Ok tweeples! Regarding the kiss cam @ tennis tourney, tht girl next 2 me is my "assistant!" Lol" via MogoTXT

Aug. 12: Terrell Owens knows quality dining

"Just had a gr8 workout! Now headed 2 Cracker Barrel 4 brkfast." MogoTXT

Aug. 12: Terrell Owens definitely has a man's appetite

"My brkfast: 8 eggwhites scrambled, turkey sausage, bowl of oatmeal w/bananas & OJ/water!! Gotta feed the mach" via MogoTXT

Aug; 12: Fifteen minutes later...

"Alllll gone!!"

Tune in next time for more hot Twitter Stalking action from the Weekly Volcano

The Weekly Volcano follows Tweeting celebrities so you don't have to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

Today, checking in with...

Bette Midler!

Today: Bette Midler hands out a compliment... we think.

"I love Boston. It's so common." via web

Aug. 10: Bette Midler talks stardom

"It didn't used to be like this. Years ago, stars had glamour... and pubic hair." via web

Aug. 13: Bette Midler talks stardom, some more

"You know, the sun is just another middle-aged star." via web

Aug. 16: OK, there's definitely a trend here...

"I worry about old stars. Where do they go now that "Murder, She Wrote" is off the air?" via web

July 30: Bette Midler is the Brett Favre of showgirls... we don't mean a waffler, just resilent and tough

"Perfect attendance!" via Twitpic

Tune in next time for more hot Twitter Stalking action from the Weekly Volcano

BONUS BETTE MIDLER WITH A FREAKY CAT PIC!

The Weekly Volcano follows B & C-list celebrities so you don't have to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

Today, checking in with...

Rivers Cuomo!

Aug 14: Rivers Cuomo is getting big

"Almost completely lost my voice so had 2 take steroids this morning. Might be xtra aggro tonight so watch out." via UberTwitter

July 17: Rivers Cuomo thinks about the big questions in life

"If you shave your dog, do you have to put sunscreen on it?" via UberTwitter

July 15: This probably has something to do with the steroids

"Did some sick bare-tummy bumping with some sweaty dudes tonight!" via UberTwitter

July 3: Rivers Cuomo keeps it real

"Got a hundred dollar check from my grandparents for my birthday." via UberTwitter

June 28: This has been obvious for a while

"Ravers Cuomo." via UberTwitter

June 5: Rivers Cuomo has everyday problems

"I hate it when my nipples get erect." via UberTwitter

May 14: Rivers Cuomo makes endorsements you can trust

"I would recommend the Colace brand to anyone looking for a good stool softener." via UberTwitter

Tune in next time for more hot Twitter Stalking action from the Weekly Volcano

BONUS RIVERS CUOMO PIC!

The Weekly Volcano follows MASSIVE celebrities so you don't have to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

Today, checking in with...

Lady Gaga!

Aug. 10: Lady Gaga is big with the teens.

"Just emerged from studio bender to hear we won two teen choice awards. Thank you for believing in me little monsters! I'm your hooker. X" via web

July 29: Coincidentally, Weekly Volcano editor Matt Driscoll is wearing the same exact outfit today, and he also smells like tequila.

"Days off in the AZ Desert: Cactus fashion + Tequila. Can't make me take off my leather, I would rather faint" via Twitpic

July 24: Awesome.

"In my former dressing room of my old Dallas gay stomping grounds. They supported me first. SO RAD COWBOYS." via Openbeak

Tune in next time for more hot Twitter Stalking action from the Weekly Volcano.

BONUS LADY GAGA PIC!

The Weekly Volcano follows B & C-list celebrities so you don't have to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

Today, checking in with...

Paris Hilton!

Earlier today: When Paris Hilton hangs with her aunt, it's much hotter and Twitter-worthy than when you hang with your aunt.

"At My Favorite Club in LA @DraisHollywood with My Beautiful Aunt @KyleRichards18 and @hurricancar" via Twitpic

Aug. 11: You can tell a dog is happy when its eyes are almost popping out

"Chilling at @DraisHollywood Pool with Harajuku." via Twitpic

Aug. 10: Mr. Miyagi would have never signed off on this

"Couture Karate Kid in Hot Pink Louboutins ;)" via Twitpic

Aug. 8: Paris Hilton's other piece of advice had to do with sex tape production

"A little piece of advice..."

Tune in next time for more hot Twitter Stalking action from the Weekly Volcano

BONUS PICTURE OF PARIS HILTON SURROUNDED BY TORMENTED CREATURES!