HOW TONIGHT COULD ADD UP >>>

The Weekly Volcano scores the press release for the big DJ show tonight at Hell's Kitchen in Tacoma:

A Major Tacoma Venue [major - like the Tacoma Dome or Pantages? -2] has given us the green light to host our party there!

Hell's Kitchen [a DJ night at Hell's Kitchen? +3]
928 Pacific Ave, Tacoma, WA, 98402

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000450153386&sk=wall

This event will be ALL AGES [+2]/21+ w/ ID in the bar section! [booze! +5]

8PM-9PM
aJaX : Electro House
Entropy Group//LSC
Straight out of the North end of Tacoma [breeding ground for awesome DJs +1], Dj aJaX's tougher style of Electro-House [read: mention electro-house promises an event that will be, at the very least, somewhat cosmopolitan: +3] has been heating up club floors in the downtown Seattle area as of late [boo Seattle -1].
http://www.facebook.com/alex.aubry
http://www.soundcloud.com/ajax-6

9PM-10PM
Basscraze: Progressive/Electro House [score another for electro-house +1]
Tap Tap Productions // Lonely Island // Seattle DJ Collective
Busting onto the Northwest like a bat out of hell [reminds us of Meatloaf -1], Joshua Schweigert aka DJ Basscraze has been making massive waves in the Emerald City EDM scene. Armed with exclusive floor-destroying bangers and mashups, his set is sure to leave you both breathless and wondering whether or not you should go out and buy a pregnancy test it's that sexy [indicates environment intimate enough that you might be able to hook up with someone in the bathroom: +3].
http://www.facebook.com/DJBassCraze
http://www.soundcloud.com/djbasscraze

10PM-11PM
The Sauce: Electro/Hard Dance
Lonely Island // Seattle DJ Collective
You ever shuffle so hard that your feet broke? [terrible phrase, inexcusable, the DJ-phrase equivalent of a Bill Cosby sweater: -1] If not, you probably weren't grooving to the right stuff- Michael Danger aka The Sauce has all the right chemistry to make you dance harder than you ever have under the Emerald empire. Hard-fused gritty ass electro shuffle to progressive and fresh dance are all to be expected and promised to be delivered! [exclamation point -1]
Energizing..Beautiful.. you wish your firstborn sounded like this! [-3]
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=40003645

11pm-12AM
Antarctica: Hardstyle [naming yourself after a continent -2]
Sending chills through your flippers and transcending your beating warm hearts into the arctic poles of penguin worshiping, the upcoming rare species of the North West's Penguin King of Hardstyle cannot be missed! [reminds us of the new Jim Carrey film -2] Bringing you his own unique technique & style of "Happy Hardstyle" [made us look it up -1], this DJ will rock the dance floor till you walk home with your grand momma's stroller! [not respecting your elders -1] 2 years in and out of the game with a fan base of over 1500, music indulging & bass loving bobble head fans, you never know who you'll meet when attending one of his shows. Don't let this Penguin King fool you, because behind his frigidly fresh styles, is a warm heart that will lay a pebble at your feet.[no explanation needed -5]
Travel over to the world of Deejay Antarctica - The Penguin King of Hardstyle to experience some fresh bass dropping mixes that will undoubtedly shake your tail feathers. ;-) [keystroke face for a progressive DJ show -1]
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000992837649

12AM-1AM
Jimni Cricket: Happy Hardcore [ha ha ha ha +2]
http://www.facebook.com/annika.anderson

1AM-2AM
Vault: Hands Up [really? Two DJs in a row without snappy description? -1]
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000760028120

Go Go Dancers by: Pro Go Go [now we're talkin' +10]
http://www.facebook.com/Pookiebear.Emilyjo
http://www.facebook.com/ProGoGo
http://www.facebook.com/Progogo1?ref=ts

TOTAL SCORE: 10 POINTS!

[Hell's Kitchen, Saturday, Jan. 7, 8 p.m. to close, all ages, bar with ID, $10, 928 Pacific Ave, Tacoma, 253.759.6003]