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If we had an alter ego, we would be sporty. Very sporty. Extreme-sports sporty. We'd snowboard. We'd parasail. We'd skydive. Hell, We'd be able to just play a game of softball without shrieking like a schoolgirl whenever the ball came near us. Best of all, though, we'd be very, very sporty while wearing four-inch Manolos, and after winning the game, we'd walk away with only a sexy muss to our perfectly coiffed hair.

OK, so we want to be a Charlie's Angel.

Who would your alter ego be?

MONDAY, OCT. 10: Would your alter ego be Jack the Ripper? If so, hang out with the Graphic Novel Book Club as the dismember From Hell by Alan MooreandEddie Campbell,the story of Jack the Ripper. Legendary comics writer Alan Moore and artist Eddie Campbell have created a modern masterpiece of crime noir and historical fiction with scratchy lines and heavy doses of ink. The geeky book group will gather at 7 p.m. inside King's Books in Tacoma.

TUESDAY, OCT. 11: Would your alter ego be Doctor Dolittle? It might be a good idea, especially since the neighbors called the cops on you four times this summer for shooting crows of your back balcony. Yes, the crows are hella loud in the morning. But crows have feelings too. It's time to better understand the winged nuisances, free of charge. And if you think your relationship with the crows needs to go beyond the basics of understanding, attend Tuesday's Tacoma Science Café from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at The Swiss. Yup, the popular lecture series moved a larger venue. And Prof. John Marzluff, Ph.D., he of the School of Forest Resources, will discuss the curious behavior of these loud birds.

WEDNESDAY, OCT. 12: Would your alter ego be a fashion designer? Five dollars, a trip to the hardware store and an imagination will separate the truly hip from the un-hip. Duct tape accessories, and even clothes, have become a trend and it's really not all that surprising. When you think about the plastic (that's polyester, girls) content in everyday attire, it's no wonder people would be drawn to a raw engineered form of it. The look you get from duct tape is edgy and playful. You don't need to be Goth or punk. Just lose your inhibitions and get crafty with the myriad of colors duct tape is now manufactured in. It comes in pink, blue, red, gold and the traditional gunmetal grey, among others. Need a little duct tape tutorial for inspiration? The Tillicum Pierce County Library hosts a duct tape creations class Wednesday from 4-5 p.m. No, we're serious.

THURSDAY, OCT. 13: Would your alter ego be Robin Hood? You're pissed off that people long accustomed to the comforts of middle-class life are now relying on public assistance for the first time in their lives - potentially for years to come - while the rich become richer. You've decided to become a modern day Robin Hood. But, as the movies have shown, you need mad archery skills. You're in luck! Every Thursday Skookum Archers in Puyallup hosts public instruction in its private clubhouse range. Show up at 6:15 p.m. to sign in, go through a brief safety orientation the first time and then you get to play archery under instruction till 7:45. Best part, freeloaders? You first visit is free.

FRIDAY, OCT. 14: Would your alter ego be a poet? We just read the most irritating book in the world. It's called Jeremy Thrane, and while parts of it were fun, the main character had this extraordinarily annoying habit of, in moments of great stress, reciting poetry. And not his own, but stuff by Yeats, Stevens and other dead people. We think that if you're a writer and you find yourself quoting other people's work because their words express your thoughts better than you can maybe you ought to seriously think about what that means. If, however, you'd like to take a stab at writing your own stuff, jog on over to King's Books for its Distinguished Writers Series. After featured poet Ed Harkness goes off at 7 p.m., stand up and read your stuff during the open mic session. And for fun, why not wear a beret?

SATURDAY, OCT. 15: Would your alter ego be U.S. Women's Soccer Team defender Stephanie Cox? While the chances of you kicking it around with Hope Solo, Abby Wambach and Heather O'Reilly remains scant, you may just lose your proverbial women's soccer cherry this Saturday by hanging with Cox at Skansie Brothers Park. The Gig Harbor resident will talk about her experience and soccer background, sign autographs and then kick the ball around from 1:30-3:30 p.m.

SUNDAY, OCT. 16: Would your alter ego be a tango dancer? Run, run we tell you, to the florist for roses, because you're going to need it Sunday night. You'll be clutching it between your teeth as you dance the romantic and mysterious tango at the Abbey Ballroom Dance and Pilates Center in Tacoma. Milonga Tango Dance includes free beginners lesson at 5 p.m., followed by a dance ($8). Adelante!

LINK: Arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

Filed under: Freeloaders, Community, Events, Arts, Word, Sports, Gig Harbor, Puyallup, Tacoma, Fashion,