REAL STORIES FROM REAL BARTENDERS >>>

I've been a bartender for a long time. I have met countless freaks, jerks, pervs, sweethearts, rockstars and crazies. Even though it's a physically and mentally exhausting job, these are the colorful people that make it all worthwhile. Well, that and the tips.

I'd like to share with you some of my personal experiences behind the bar, along with the stories from some of my fellow bartenders. Each week - under the clever heading of "Behind Bars" - I will dig into my memory bank - and the incident log books that all bars keep - to bring you some of my favorite stories.

Names of bars, bartenders and patrons have been changed or withheld to protect the innocent.

And the not so innocent.

Cheers!

This week...

Flash - back

This week takes us to 2007, and an eager exhibitionist. ...

I remember working one night, a pretty regular night by bar standards. People were yelling to one another about skate sessions, medical marijuana or burlesque dancers, trying to compete with the noise of the jukebox, when a young gutter punk came through the door. Dressed head to toe in patched-up skinny leather clothes, he sat at the bar claiming to have just hopped a train from San Francisco.

He orders a beer, and seems to settle in, removing his beanie and tapping a finger to the drum beat in Motorhead's "Ace of Spades.  Everything seems in order.

Then, all of a sudden, the gutter punk hops up from the bar stool, quickly drops his skinny black pants, and lets a raging boner greet the bar - hips thrust forward, smile on his face. He then proceeds to drape his beanie over his boner and does a sort of slow circle with the lower half of his body.

Everybody in the bar is completely stunned. It's like he's a snake charmer and has us mesmerized, except that this is the wrong kind of snake.

Finally, the gutter punk and his exposed boner are approached by my fellow bartender, and the kid recoils into a blur of clothing, punching, cussing and undoubtedly some penis flailing.

As the sausage-swinging sociopath from San Francisco was ushered out of the bar everyone cheered.

This week, I'd like to encourage the few readers I have, (hi, Aunt Lois!) to share any crazy bar stories they might have. So have a stiff one, and drop a story in the comment box.

Cheers!

LINK HUB: The "Behind Bars" collection