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BOUT ONE: Tide Pool vs. Death Drops

After two completely sunny and much needed spring days, Tacoma's Dockyard Derby Dames had a hard time selling out Pierce College's Health Center last Saturday for their double header of bouting between the best-of-the-best rollergirls.

Opening for the main event was DyDD's B-team, Tide Pool, which consists of some of their strongest skaters from all four original DyDD teams.  Up against Centralia's Rainy City Rollergirl's Death Drops, the Tide Pool had no problem wiping the flat track with moisture left from what was once a "rain drop" from Centralia.

The second jam of the bout began rare with no lead jammer, ultimately leaving the girls with no one to call off the jam and skating the full two-minute time limit.  Apparently that was just the calm before the storm.  Jammer (and my favorite skater) Misty Miyagi began jam three in the penalty box, but busted out like lightening as soon as her time was up.  Seconds after she whizzed by, Miyagi was lead jammer, taking no prisoners and getting Tide Pool's scoring off to a furious start.

From there it was a textbook ass-kicking.  My friends Liesl and Melanie discussed potential roller derby sponsorship ideas (sports bras and thigh-glide, in particular) while I noticed a few areas with room for improvement:

• Rainy City's Jess Playin':  Has room for balance-improvement when it comes to being a jammer.
• Bit Hit O' Honey: My favorite candy, and my favorite female roller derby announcer.  Too bad you could hardly hear her with the crowd being noisy little butterflies.
• I'd like a private bathroom located just behind my sideline seat next time, m'kay, Vitamin V?  Those Bud Light tall boys are very un-forgiving on my bladder.

The award for best roller derby entertainment of the evening goes to Crack Attack of Rainy City's Death Drops.  I applaud your attitude, your tight silver shorts and your extremely visible asscrack.

FINAL SCORE - DyDD Tide Pool = 137, Rainy City Death Drops = 50

BOUT TWO: Wave of Mutilation vs. Terminal City Rollergirls

After a smooth 20-minute halftime between bouts, the action began again with Dockyard Derby Dames' All-Star travel team, Wave of Mutilation, facing off against Vancouver, B.C.'s Terminal City Rollergirls.

Let's be honest here.  Most roller derby spectators hit their girl-slamming quota by the end of the first bout.  Most people leave, just as I wanted to do (and did at last month's Season 5 opener), after the first bout.  But since I was assigned to cover the entire event I felt obliged to not leave early this time around and to do my duties as a top-notch sports writer. (Stop laughing!)

OH BOY was I ever glad I stayed.  Holy Toledo, Batman - that was the BEST bout ever! 

I cannot begin to put into words how fist-clenching, gut-wrenching and eye-popping this duel became.  I think I can speak for the rest of the crowd when I say I was on the edge of my seat, if not standing up, for the rest of the night.

DyDD's Snickerbrutal showed her tumbling prowess, Skate Paulie Girl pulled out all magic jamming skills and Betty Drillder repeatedly lead her pack with a vengeance.

The penalty box had never seen more action than on this blistery spring night, and with 8:41 left, Terminal City's #77- Rollergirl was kicked out of the bout for good. Grand Slams (five-point and over jams) and Power-Jams were achieved at an alarming rate and at one point Terminal City's #44 luludemon had no competition with almost all of DyDD was in penalty.

Jams were short and sweet, injuries were aplenty, ice packs were flowing, and pissed-off skaters were in full force.  Let me break down just how awesome the scoring was in the last 20 minutes of the bout:

20 minutes left on the clock - DyDD= 49 points, TC= 104

13 minutes left - Hope is on the way

9 minutes left - DyDD= 97, TC = 110

3:06 left - DyDD = 105, TC = 111

FINAL SCORE- DyDD = 125, TC = 118 121

See what you missed by leaving early?! 

Oh, and to top it off, as the DyDD were continuing to score as the final clock ran out, the jammer for TC, #44 luludemon, took a critical hit - providing the evening's most jaw-dropping injury.  In the end, you couldn't help but wonder how much of it was dramatized.  I caught some of it on video... now you tell me how much of the attention might've been milked.

Lesson learned: Never again leave before the end of the second bout.

LINK: Photos from the bouts