BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

OK, there's something that's been on my mind for a few weeks now, and although I'm not entirely sure The Prefunk is the best place to address it, I'm going to do it anyway.

Surely this revelation will come as no shock to all the Andersons, Smiths, Joneses and Buttafuocos out there - but it really sucks when some douchebag goes out and seriously shits on the credibility of your last name.

Case in point, Mark Driscoll, he of Seattle's Mars Hill Church.

Check out that video and tell me you're not impressed.

Recently, Driscoll made headlines by calling Avatar the "most demonic, satanic film I've ever seen."

That's funny, of course - and Avatar (from what I understand) is basically two hours and 42 minutes of bright blue alien fecal matter thrown onto a giant Megaplex screen - but motherfucker! Not only does Mark Driscoll make people associate my last name with a zany, Jesus-high religo-freak that seriously believes the devil himself has a hand in major Hollywood motion pictures - but his first name starts with M! Just like mine!

This, after all the fine work I've done for the M. Driscolls of the world!

(Refer to Feb. 5's The Prefunk, where I recommended drinking antifreeze for the buzz.)

Anyway, this Mark Driscoll character has really chapped my hide - and surely the hides of other M. Driscolls out there. I'd like to take a moment, before offering my usual, questionable recommendations for you and your liver this weekend, to point out a few differences between Mark Driscoll and myself.

Mark Driscoll: Went to Highline High School in Burien and was student body president and editor of the school newspaper.

Matt Driscoll: Smoked weed at lunch in high school.

Mark Driscoll: Believes the Bible tells us that woman should submit to the leadership of their husbands.

Matt Driscoll: Does whatever his wife tells him to do, and smoked weed at lunch in high school.

Mark Driscoll: Has characterized himself as a "Charismatic Calvinist."

Matt Driscoll: Likes it when Calvin pees on stuff.

Mark Driscoll: Was quoted in Relevant magazine as saying, "In Revelation, Jesus is a prize fighter with a tattoo down His leg, a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed. That is a guy I can worship. I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up."

Matt Driscoll: Once got the shit kicked out of him by Jesus - just wanted to play hacky sack.

Mark Driscoll: Was featured on an ABC debate with Deepak Chopra called "Does Satan Exist?"

Matt Driscoll: Once pretended his name was Deepak Chopra... while smoking weed in high school.

This week's Prefunk:

ZOOK, THE REVENGERS, THE FUCKING EAGLES at DOYLE'S

Saturday, March 13

One of the best bills of the weekend, and also a Prefunk in itself - for St. Paddy's Day. The show Saturday night at Doyle's is the first of many leading up to the most "blacked out on Jameson" day of the year. You can't go wrong with that.

PREFUNK: This is a tricky one, since - technically - you'll be Prefunking for St. Paddy's Day just by attending - making the act of Prefunking for tonight's event the Prefunk for a Prefunk.

Got it?

Anyway, take it easy since the show is sure to be spectacular and you've only got one liver - and St. Paddy's Day is still four days off. Have a bowl of Lucky Charms before heading out and call it good.

TACOMA CULT MOVIE CLUB: HOSTAGES at ACME GRUB CAGE

Sunday, March 14

If you have yet to venture inside the Acme Grub Cage, you're really missing out. If you have yet to check out the Tacoma Cult Movie Club, the same can be said.

Currently focusing on hostage flicks (presumably, films including hostage situations), this week's installment (as always) will start Sunday at 7 p.m. - and is totally free. Come out, have a few beers - and watch cult movies with a group of people just as dorky/and or lonely as you.

PREFUNK: Why not get Sunday evening off to a good start with a little self-grooming? I know, usually when you watch your favorite cult films you're all alone, in your sweats, with a ring of Orville Redenbacher fake butter around your wrist from digging straight into the bag. While this very approach would surely be welcomed at the Acme Grub Cage, why not clean up your act - if only for one night. Slip into your "nice" sweats and hit the town.

See you next week.