Saint Patrick was not Irish. He was born in Britain when it was under Roman rule. The myth that he drove the snakes out of Ireland is actually a symbolic euphemism for the inquisition that eliminated Paganism from the Emerald Isle. And March 17 marks Saint Patrick's death, not his birth. So once a year we poison rivers and pollute livers in honor of a carpet-bagging, xenophobic fraud.

Erin Go Braugh!

That said, with St. Patrick's Day approaching, I begin to salivate for old-fashioned Irish dishes like boxty, barm-brack, champ, coddle, and colcannon. Most of all, I yearn on the 17th of March for corned beef and cabbage - which, as it turns out, might not be very Irish at all.

For starters, since early times in Ireland, cattle have been kept primarily for milk, not meat. Meat was far too expensive in Ireland's history to be consumed regularly by average folks. As the lines from a popular poem by Frances Shilliday go, "Your average Pat was a peasant/Who could not afford beef or pheasant/On the end of his fork was a bit of salt pork/As a change from potatoes 'twas pleasant."

Also, making beef into corned beef requires large amounts of salt, which, too, was expensive. In fact, to "corn" beef means to rub (in the old days) large pellets of salt into the beef, often the size of corn kernels. Salting the beef in this manner served to preserve it and to prevent spoilage. So corned beef in its original form had more to do with storage than flavoring. In modern times, salt water has replaced curing with dried salt as a means of preserving beef. Technically speaking, "corned beef" is really brined beef.

The corned beef and cabbage dish so ubiquitous on St. Patrick's Day here in America probably originated here as well. When Irish workers emigrated to North America in the late 1800s, they found both beef and salt to be cheaper and more abundant than back home. So they treated the beef as they would salted and smoked pork in Ireland, braising it with cabbage and potatoes and using only a minimum of spices, then serving it in its own stewed juices.

That's not to say that you won't find corned beef served in restaurants on St. Patrick's Day in Ireland. Although it's more popular as an Easter dish, most Irish find corned beef to be too pedestrian and simple to serve on St. Patrick's, except in restaurants that cater mostly to tourists. Over here on the other side of the pond, however, corned beef and cabbage will take center stage on the 17th of March much like turkeys do on Thanksgiving.

You're likely to find corned beef and cabbage and freshly poured Guinness on St. Patrick's Day at places like Paddy Coyne's Irish Pub, Doyle's Public House, O'Malley's Irish Pub, and C.I. Shenanigan's in Tacoma; McNamara's Pub & Eatery in DuPount; O'Blarney's Irish Pub, and Ballyhoo Irish Pub in Thurston County.

It's hardly traditional - I imagine bananas aren't a staple of the Irish diet - but here's an easy and delicious dessert to follow up your corned beef and cabbage on St. Paddy's Day. It's called Guinness Creamed Bananas: In a skillet, place four peeled bananas and cover them with 2-3 cups of Irish stout, preferably Guinness. Bring the stout to a boil and cook the bananas for a couple of minutes, turning them frequently. Cover the bananas with one-half cup (or a little more) of brown sugar. Let the sugar melt and then top the bananas with 1-1/2 cups of heavy cream. Let the cream simmer for a couple of minutes and serve hot. Guinness Creamed Bananas are especially good served over ice cream and topped with chocolate sauce. And you'll be amazed at how good a pint of fresh Guinness tastes alongside this dessert.

As you're enjoying your Guinness on St. Patrick's Day, be sure to, as they say, "drink responsibly." It might be a good idea to remember that while Guinness and Ireland are inseparable, it's actually black tea with milk and sugar that is Ireland's most omnipresent beverage. Here's wishing you "Erin Go Bragh" and plenty of corned beef on St. Patrick's Day.