BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

I know, I know. Enough already. On Monday I promised you an interview with Metal Sanaz in advance of her appearance at Hell's Kitchen tonight.

It didn't happen, all right. Things sometimes go awry. Like a number of occasions in my life, she had my number - but she just didn't call. High school prepared me for this.

But, I'm done talking about Metal Sanaz. It's time to Prefunk for the weekend.

Roses are red, violets are blue, this week's Volcano has dating horror stories from our staff, and this Prefunk's for you.

SATURDAY, FEB. 6

Tango Alpha Tango at The New Frontier

Portland's Willamette Week called the band's brand of rock, "sweeping, dramatic and unapologetically evil at the most surprising of moments."

I'll just call this PDX based band fucking stellar Rose City indie pop - a tinge darker than twee, and more interesting than most. If you know of Carolines (RIP), then you know at least half of Tango Alpha Tango - created by Nathan and Aaron Trueb after Carolines disbanded, with the other half of Carolines going on to create PDX's Deepest Darkest.

This show is easily one of the weekend's best.

PREFUNK: As much as it pains me to say this, and question myself, I think this is one of those rare occasions in life when intoxicants won't be necessary. You won't need drugs to enjoy this - or get through it. You may not even want drugs, though - knowing you - that seems unlikely. Just have a few cordial cocktails at The New Frontier, kick back, and enjoy.

SUNDAY, FEB. 7

The Muthafuckin' Super Bowl

When I tell people I'm a fan of pro football - a big fan - sometimes I get dirty looks. Especially in scholarly, artistic or musical settings, my love of over-pumped men pushing each other around on Sunday afternoons tends to feel like a dirty little secret sometimes.

Oh, but not on Super Bowl Sunday. It's the one day of the year when just about everyone gives in and tunes in for four and a half hours of football, expensive commercials, and a somewhat pointless halftime show featuring the Who.

Come Sunday, that's exactly what I'll be doing. And, be honest, you will too. ...

PREFUNK: Nothing eases the five-hour pre-game show down your throat like cheese products. Cheese balls. Cheese dips. Cheese slices. Cheese sauces. And even Velveeta - cheese and the Super Bowl go together like, well, cheese and the Super Bowl.

To get ready for the big game, try setting a new personal record for overall cheese consumption. Around the three-pound mark, I hear one reaches a very pleasant state of euphoria.

Of course, shortly thereafter you vomit - but it's Super Sunday. You're going to do that anyway.