BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

By my own admission, I'm not really one for currently popular television. Sure, I boob tube it upon occasion, but mainly I just watch ridiculous shit like Modern Marvels: Thumbs on the History Channel. Rarely do I have any idea what's going on in the mainstream world of American Idol, CSI-Wherever and late night talk.

Which, really, is why I have very little emotion over the current Conan vs. Leno debate. Sure, I think Leno is sad sack of absolutely everything that's wrong with our 2% milk, hand-sanitizer society - which is to say, he's not very funny. But I also don't watch much TV - so I don't really care. NBC could become all Leno all the time, and - really - my life would be exactly the same.

And sure, I think Conan is getting totally shafted. I've smoked enough late night weed to know he's far funnier than Leno, and it's a shame the way NBC is treating him - but still.

If all of the people with tears in their eyes for Conan right now would have actually been watching his Tonight Show in the first place, this probably wouldn't be happening.

Anyway, I hear Conan is selling the Tonight Show on craigslist now, which - undoubtedly - is the funniest and most entertaining aspect of this whole spectacle. Perhaps Conan's last stand will be his most entertaining.

Oh, and I hear Jimmy Kimmel is now a lot of Pro-Conan people's hero.  Because of this video ...

Kimmel's a douche, but that was pretty funny.

Anyway, here's what you can look forward to this weekend:

SATURDAY

Champagne Sunday at Doyle's

No, not that kind of champagne. Ask for the bubbly at Tacoma's favorite public house and you're likely to get flicked in the sack - if you have one.

On Saturday, Champagne Sunday the band - described as "Pearl Jam meets Bette Midler" (bare with me here ...) - will play for free at Doyle's, amid the soccer jerseys and pints of Guinness.

PREFUNK: Look, I have no fucking clue what Champagne Sunday actually sounds like. I was just intrigued by the description, "Pearl Jam meets Bette Midler." I wonder what that get-together would be like? Would Vedder mumble something complimentary, or would Stoney and Co. simply join Midler for a soaring rendition of "Wind Beneath My Wings"?

Or, would the just eat their pho in silence. Tough to say. ...

Either way, I'd mix two parts Michelob Ultra with one part Pepto Bismol in the parking lot before heading inside. You'll probably need a settled stomach, and a serious buzz, to appreciate Champagne Sunday.

SUNDAY

I'm torn. As a card-carrying member of the Washington State Stoners Alliance I feel a responsibility to promote my brothers - but, on the other hand, reggae really fucking bugs me and I think white guys with dreadlocks are hurting the cause. What's one to do?

This week, I'm deciding to ignore the typical disgust I hold for the overuse of the phrase "One Love" and Teva sandals, and - instead - I'm going to support the movement.

On Sunday, Mystic Roots, the Northwest Sons and The Puget Sound System will bring the smell of the tropics to the brand new Hell's Kitchen.

(Here's a hint: The tropics smell a lot like ganja.)

PREFUNK: Here's an idea. Don't smoke-out beforehand. I know it goes against everything you know, and everything you stand for - but why not feel what it's like to be the only dude not stoned at a reggae show?

I bet it's trippy as fuck, bro.

See you next week.