SANTA SAYS >>>>

There is something awfully mysterious about yoga. When Santa first paid attention to the word back in the mid-1950s, I thought it was something Yogi Berra did when no one was looking.

For years yoga remained a shrouded practice in the United States, as if hoarded by a few Zen-like philosophers who didn't consider the masses worthy of knowing much more than that some followers had flexibility similar to a cat grooming herself.  But as the last century came to a close, and the interest in alternative health and fitness grew, yoga was mainstreamed along with green tea, acupuncture and sea vegetables.

Santa would like to clear up a few yoga myths. Yoga is not a religion. It is the practice of bringing your body into balance. Through certain positions, stretches and breathing techniques, you can restore both your physical and mental health plus increase strength in your body. Also, yoga is rarely a chant-fest. Yes, Kundalini yoga involves some chanting as part of its meditation, however most yoga classes subscribe to the Hatha philosophy, which places the major emphasis on the physical body.

Yoga is not easy. There are those who can, and those who teach - and your money should be on those who are certified.  Just because you know someone who is loose like a rubber band, it doesn't mean he knows how to safely teach you to be like one. 

One of the better yoga studios in Tacoma will be open Christmas Eve. Expand Yoga in downtown Tacoma offers original, 26-pose hot yoga and hot Vinyasa yoga in a heated studio overlooking a tree-filled park. Expand Yoga will hold a 10 a.m. hot yoga class so you can find center before tilting the hell out of it.

[Expand Yoga, Saturday, Dec. 24, 10 a.m., $8 drop in fee, 1015 Pacific Ave., 2nd Floor, Tacoma, 856.472.9642]

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

Ah, New Year's Day in Tacoma. Layering of woolens, drabbest down or brightest fleece begin to muffle forms and features. The back of the closet comes to the front; here's the Siberian yakwear. Gortex crests featureless bulk.

With temps hovering in the hi-30s and lo-40s, automobiles splash toward Point Defiance Park. The dude on the Schwinn pedals furiously down Pearl Street toward the zoo. What do intricate piercings feel like in the cold?

There's a crowd at the Point Defiance Marina. Everyone grips towels. Look! There's a frosted cueball, vanity tempting hypothermic harm. A bald man goes hatless. It's silly here.

Youngsters are separated from families at 11:30 a.m. A few are dressed as Batman. There's a Nina Turtle. A grown-up gives a speech. The youngsters cheer and run into the icy cold Commencement Bay. A mom stands in front of blue-colored children like Mary Tyler Moore after she's tossed her tam-o'-shanter. Look upward, she's lost her scarf, it's caught in the cold wind, the scarf flies, dervishing aloft on the updraft, higher still, unfettered ribbon above that neck, beyond reach, a second or three from its watery fate in front of the Tacoma Yacht Club.

The kids run toward shore screaming. One Batman is crying. The Ninja Turtle lost his shell. The children are rewarded with clothing, food and pats on the heads.

Teens and grown-ups inch toward the water. Surprising, there's another Batman. Mr. Speechmaker is back. The clock strike noon and it's into the water for these loons. A few turn back. Most turn blue. Spectators cheer.

Afterward, hot drinks are consumed in tents with heaters.

See you there.

[Point Defiance Marina, Polar Bear Plunge, Sunday, Jan. 1, 11:30 a.m., free, 5912 N. Waterfront Dr., Point Defiance Park, Tacoma, 253.591.5325]

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

There are many differences between the New Year's celebrations of New York City and Tacoma, the most telling of which is the trajectory of each ball. In New York, the ball drops - another year down the tubes. In Tacoma, however, the ball is set on fire.           

"We're really stepping up the fire aspect to mitigate the cold," First Night Tacoma co-producer Lance Kagey told the Weekly Volcano. "Last year, we had Zen fire gardens, which are very cool basins filled with black sand. You can draw in them with sticks and fire traces your drawing. We'll have those again. We'll have some fires to gather around for warmth. We have a big fire spectacular at the end of the night, and lots of fire performers throughout the evening."

As in years past a parade kicks off Tacoma's First Night 2012 nighttimeNew Year's Eve celebration in downtown Tacoma. And this year isn't any different. Beginning at 6:30 p.m. the "World's Shortest Parade" will march from the Graffiti Garages to the Theatre on the Square featuring representatives from the Dockyard Derby Dames, fire dancers, Metro Arts Dragon team and many more.

Of course, the World's Shortest Parade is only a beginning. A First Night Tacoma button will allow you access to 20 different stages and the museums, offering a wide variety of entertainment options. The annual, all-ages, family-friendly, alcohol-free New Year's Eve celebration follows the Chinese lunar calendar, and this year is the year of the dragon. In this spirit there will be two large dragons making an appearance at the festival - a 35-foot creation by Metro Parks Tacoma, and a 14-foot fire-breathing metal beast.

The entertainment schedule for the night blows my mind. Check out the schedule here.

First Night Buttons are only $10 before the festival begins. The buttons make the perfect gift. Click here to discover where you can grab one or 20.

So if you're just glad 2011 is over, stay at home and join Carson Daly and Justin Bieber in Times Square as they watch the ball drop. If you're excited to get started with 2012, head to downtown Tacoma, where the ball, and spirits, will be on fire.

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

There's no better way to support your community than supporting your neighbors in need, especially during the holiday season.

The Weekly Volcano has partnered with the United Way of Pierce County on a 12-month campaign focused on the issue of homelessness and affordable housing. The weekly rag will be highlighting community efforts around the issue and helping raise funds to go directly toward affordable housing.

Today on its blog, Spew, the Volcano highlights Salvation Army Tacoma's efforts to keep homeless families together. The Salvation Army's family housing program in Tacoma has been providing emergency housing, improvement of life skills and assisting families and single women with securing permanent housing since 1983. Read the feature story here, and then give the karmic wheel a spin.

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

There are some hobbies better kept to yourself. You know, the ones you do alone in your castle late at night. And then there are some truly cool hobbies, like model railroads. These should be celebrated and dragged out in the open for all to admire. Which is why the 16th Annual Model Train Festival, downtown Tacoma's biggest model railroad exposition (taking into account, of course, the relatively small size of the subjects at hand because they are, of course, models), is being held Dec. 26-Jan. 1, instead of like, a half-hour. This gives you plenty of time to enjoy every floor of the Washington State History Museum filled with operating modular layouts.

These local clubs are providing model train layouts: 4D PNR HO Modular Group, 4D NTRAK Group, Mount Rainier N-Scale, Pierce County Lionel Club, Tacoma Northwestern Model Railroad Club, and Boeing Employees Model Railroad Club. Plus, the Puget Sound Model Railroad Engineers will be on hand to operate their masterpiece-the largest permanent model railroad layout in the state. Washington Operation Lifesaver, a program dedicated to preventing and reducing accidents at highway-rail grade crossings, will have an information booth set up at the event.

But remember to look both ways before crossing, and keep your pennies to yourself. 

[Washington State History Museum, Monday, Dec. 26-Jan. 1, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. $6-$8, 1911 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.272. 9747]

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

Santa loves lists. Before he dreams of sugarplums, he makes a list of what he'd like to accomplish the next day. Santa is, in fact, so manic about his list-keeping that if he does something that isn't on the list I'll write it down just so I can cross it off. I earned it; I went out of my way. I went "off list." Do you have any idea how fricking hard that is? Do you?

The most famous of my lists are the Naughty and Nice lists I keep to determine Christmas gift distribution.

Here are a couple of my not-so-famous lists:

Things That May Be Tossed

• Used wrapping paper
• Old elf slippers
• My sleigh near the Horn of Africa
• Frisbee
• Christmas salad
• Rotten candy canes
• Cookies

Things That May Be Hurled

• Lunch
• Heat Miser insults
• Stones
• Meteorite
• Shoe
• My sleigh on Mt. Crumpit

Things That May Be Thrown

• Dirty looks toward elves
• Snowballs
• Curve ball
• 1919 World Series
• Winter Warlock conniption fit
• My back

I recently added "My back" to my Thrown list after last year's trip over the Horn of Africa. The turbulence was terrible. My back made a loud pop. It's ached ever since.

I bought a SeatCushion Pillow made by Tempur-Pedic. It absorbs and distributes my weight evenly so I may sit comfortably for long periods. It's awesome.

If you're looking for relief from back pain, Relax The Back has SeatCushion Pillow for $89.

I just wish it came in red to match my outfit. ... What have I become?

[Relax The Back, 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday-Friday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Saturday, 1-6 p.m. Sunday, 5015 Tacoma Mall Blvd. Tacoma, 253.475.2520]

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

Whoa. Stop, take a deep breath, and put down the biscotti you've just sharpened into a stake. You are not alone. There is help. There is GRINCH.

Great Resources In Nourishing Calming Holidays was established in 1976, when a Pres. Gerald Ford loyalist found he was simply unable to squeeze out any seasonal goodwill; empty-handed on Christmas Eve, he made the nimrod decision to set the Christmas tree on fire instead of admitting that he hadn't done any shopping. His ex-wife, homeless, with the divorce settlement she received in early 1977, went on to found GRINCH, determined that no one else's Christmas should go up in smoke.

Though there are no official GRINCH chapters in the South Sound, Santa found a copy of THE GRINCH 13-Step Guide to Getting in the Spirit in Yukon Cornelius's Silver and Gold Market. And there it was. Number 9: "Embrace the Winter Solstice by covering your house in suns and moons and swath the lintels with fir boughs because they smell good and will relive stress through atmospheric control." It also said to shed your clothes and run around naked in the hedges made of brambles and white thorne.

It works, except the naked thing. The fragrance washes away the frosted glassy shiny tinselly stress.

If you want to take Number 9 to the next level, attend the annual Tacoma Winter Solstice and Candle Shriving Celebration Wednesday, Dec. 21 at the Mandolin Café. Open to the public, Goddess Chiara Wood will help bring you to center, wash away the bad and look toward the positive – then feed the hell out of you with a righteous four-course dinner and live music by Paddy Coyne's Irish Session Band.

Santa suggests your partake in the naked thing on your own property.

[The Mandolin Café, Winter Solstice and Candle Shriving Celebration, Wednesday, Dec. 21, 6-9 p.m., 18+, $25 advance tickets at brownpapertickets.com, 3923 S. 12^th St., Tacoma, 253.761.3482, themandolincafe.com]

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

There's nothing worse than awakening from a long winter's nap, rolling out of bed and discovering it's Christmas morning - and not a creature is stirring whiskey into his coffee. But you'd better not cry, and you don't need to pout, because if you plan ahead you'll get your jollies.

All state-run liquor stores will be open from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Christmas Eve, Dec. 24. State liquor stores will be closed on Christmas Day, Dec. 25.

Pierce Transit will operate Sunday level of services Christmas Day and Monday, Dec. 26.

After you work your way through the Christmas tree, you can ditch the Claus-induced calories and that extra side of grits at the Franciscan Polar Plaza, which is open Christmas Eve from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. and Christmas Day from noon to 6 p.m. The 40 by 100 square feet of ice is sure to be full of skate crews demonstrating their mad skillz and test-driving their recently unwrapped winter garb.

As the sun starts to sink on Christmas, prepare yourself for an untamed night at ZooLights Tacoma, where thousands of twinkling, animated light sculptures illuminate the nocturnal paths of the animal kingdom. Peddlers offer hot cocoa, while you ride the carousel or camels. ZooLights will not be open Christmas Eve.

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

If you don't know about LeRoy Jewelers and the Art Stop, you should lose your title as a Tacoman. LeRoy Jewelers has been in business since 1941, and the incredible husband and wife team of Steph Farber and Phyllis Harrison operate it.

Through my magic snowball I've watched these two fine individuals in action at Third Thursday Artwalk, Downtown Tacoma Merchants Group, First Night and in advocating for the needs of small businesses, artists, the right thing to do and much, much more in Tacoma City Hall.

If jewelry is not part of your gift-giving plan, LeRoy also sells beautiful artwork, crafts and handcrafted house wares for sale in their Art Stop gallery, which is embedded in their jewelry store.

Santa would like to give a big shout to Farber for grabbing the Innovation in Classical Platinum Design award from the American Gem Trade Association for his platinum "Waterfall" pendant (pictured above). It's amazing and loaded with 19.9 ct. carved quartz and three rainbow moonstones accented with diamonds.

Nice.

[LeRoy Jewelers/Art Stop, 940 Broadway, Tacoma, 253.272.3377]

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

The good word out of Tacoma is Jessica Spring, proprietor of Springtide Press in Tacoma. You can learn letterpress printmaking from Spring.  You can rent her photopolymer plate making equipment. You can buy her artist books, broadsides and ephemera incorporating handmade paper and letterpress printing. And you can view her art at the Greater Tacoma Community Foundation show, which she won.

What Santa is really licking his candy cane over is you can print a Christmas ornament on Spring's letterpress equipment while tossing back holiday drinks Tuesday night at The Tempest Lounge. Spring will be on hand from 6:30-8:30 p.m. allowing you to drink while operating her heavy machinery.

Bring canned and packaged food for the Emergency Food Network.

[Tempest Lounge, Tuesday, Dec. 20, 6:30-8:30 p.m., food donations, Tempest Lounge, 913 Martin Luther King Jr. Way, Tacoma, 253.272.4904]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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