SANTA SAYS >>>>

There are many differences between the New Year's celebrations of New York City and Tacoma, the most telling of which is the trajectory of each ball. In New York, the ball drops - another year down the tubes. In Tacoma, however, the ball is set on fire.           

"We're really stepping up the fire aspect to mitigate the cold," First Night Tacoma co-producer Lance Kagey told the Weekly Volcano. "Last year, we had Zen fire gardens, which are very cool basins filled with black sand. You can draw in them with sticks and fire traces your drawing. We'll have those again. We'll have some fires to gather around for warmth. We have a big fire spectacular at the end of the night, and lots of fire performers throughout the evening."

As in years past a parade kicks off Tacoma's First Night 2012 nighttimeNew Year's Eve celebration in downtown Tacoma. And this year isn't any different. Beginning at 6:30 p.m. the "World's Shortest Parade" will march from the Graffiti Garages to the Theatre on the Square featuring representatives from the Dockyard Derby Dames, fire dancers, Metro Arts Dragon team and many more.

Of course, the World's Shortest Parade is only a beginning. A First Night Tacoma button will allow you access to 20 different stages and the museums, offering a wide variety of entertainment options. The annual, all-ages, family-friendly, alcohol-free New Year's Eve celebration follows the Chinese lunar calendar, and this year is the year of the dragon. In this spirit there will be two large dragons making an appearance at the festival - a 35-foot creation by Metro Parks Tacoma, and a 14-foot fire-breathing metal beast.

The entertainment schedule for the night blows my mind. Check out the schedule here.

First Night Buttons are only $10 before the festival begins. The buttons make the perfect gift. Click here to discover where you can grab one or 20.

So if you're just glad 2011 is over, stay at home and join Carson Daly and Justin Bieber in Times Square as they watch the ball drop. If you're excited to get started with 2012, head to downtown Tacoma, where the ball, and spirits, will be on fire.

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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PLUS: 2011 Super Best of Tacoma Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

Whoa. Stop, take a deep breath, and put down the biscotti you've just sharpened into a stake. You are not alone. There is help. There is GRINCH.

Great Resources In Nourishing Calming Holidays was established in 1976, when a Pres. Gerald Ford loyalist found he was simply unable to squeeze out any seasonal goodwill; empty-handed on Christmas Eve, he made the nimrod decision to set the Christmas tree on fire instead of admitting that he hadn't done any shopping. His ex-wife, homeless, with the divorce settlement she received in early 1977, went on to found GRINCH, determined that no one else's Christmas should go up in smoke.

Though there are no official GRINCH chapters in the South Sound, Santa found a copy of THE GRINCH 13-Step Guide to Getting in the Spirit in Yukon Cornelius's Silver and Gold Market. And there it was. Number 9: "Embrace the Winter Solstice by covering your house in suns and moons and swath the lintels with fir boughs because they smell good and will relive stress through atmospheric control." It also said to shed your clothes and run around naked in the hedges made of brambles and white thorne.

It works, except the naked thing. The fragrance washes away the frosted glassy shiny tinselly stress.

If you want to take Number 9 to the next level, attend the annual Tacoma Winter Solstice and Candle Shriving Celebration Wednesday, Dec. 21 at the Mandolin Café. Open to the public, Goddess Chiara Wood will help bring you to center, wash away the bad and look toward the positive – then feed the hell out of you with a righteous four-course dinner and live music by Paddy Coyne's Irish Session Band.

Santa suggests your partake in the naked thing on your own property.

[The Mandolin Café, Winter Solstice and Candle Shriving Celebration, Wednesday, Dec. 21, 6-9 p.m., 18+, $25 advance tickets at brownpapertickets.com, 3923 S. 12^th St., Tacoma, 253.761.3482, themandolincafe.com]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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PLUS: 2011 Super Best of Tacoma Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

Nothing says "the holidays are here" like a romping, roaring evening of pagan-inspired celebration. A seasonal tradition since 1994, The Christmas Revels returns to the Rialto Theater, with performances of music, dance and other entertainment in honor of the original Christmas, the winter solstice.

This year, producing company Puget Sound Revels pays tribute to 19th-century Bavaria culture featuring Sankt Nikolaus, Knecht Rupprecht, a shoe-slapping dance called "Schuhplattler" and a procession of masked drummers called the "Perchten" procession - and the good old Christmas tree.

Well isn't that cute.

There will also be comedic street theater, chorale works, brass players and a fiddler or two.

Normal audience and performer roles may blur at the Revels, so make sure to bring your best voice.

Molly Gilmore of the Weekly Volcano previews the show here.

[Rialto Theater, The Christmas Revels, Tuesday, Dec. 20 and Wednesday, Dec. 21, 7:30 p.m., $12-$27, $12-$23.50 for students and seniors, $12-$19.50 for children, 901 Broadway, Tacoma, 253.591.5894]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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PLUS: 2011 Super Best of Tacoma Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

There used to be a time when stop-motion masterpieces such as A Year Without a Santa Claus and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer were my go-to television shows to fall asleep.

Geezerhood has officially grabbed me by the mistletoe, because Handel's "Messiah" is now the gateway to end my frantic holiday workday. Several years ago I bootleg video taped a performance of Handel's "Messiah" by the Tacoma Symphony Chorus and Orchestra. Yes, the chorus is not quite as catchy as that Heat Miser song, but I'm in it for sleep. The beautiful classical music soothes me. Besides, the little hothead bugs the hell out of me.

If you'd like to experience Handel's complete "Messiah," Geoffrey Boers will be conducting the Tacoma Symphony Chorus and Orchestra - with soprano Denise Lees, mezzo-soprano Melissa Plagemann, tenor James Brown (ha!) and baritone Benjamin Harris - in their version Friday night at St. Charles Borromeo Church. For those who might not know, it's a beautiful 18th century oratorio conceived as a rumination on the ascension of Jesus and ... oh, screw it. It's the one with the "Hallelujah" bit in it. You know, the "Hallelujah" song? "Halllll-lelujah, halllll-lelujah, hal-le-lu-jah?" And it ain't no Jesus Christ Superstar ... ... HALLLL-LELUJAH!

[St. Charles Borromeo Church, Saturday, Dec. 16, 7:30 p.m., $25, 7112 S. 12th St., Tacoma, 253.272.7264]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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PLUS: 2011 Super Best of Tacoma Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

This year marks the fourth year of the Cash Flow Show, but the package is as awesome as ever. Local artists you know and love, slinging a bounty of artistic goodness priced at $25 or less, will set up shop at Mad Hat Tea Company this weekend and give you an even better-than-normal excuse to skip the malls.

Santa's not usually interested in art produced solely for sale. I still approach art as if it were meant for something. That is, for something other than making money - changing the world, for example, or healing the recipient or audience, or shocking an unsuspecting viewer into believing in marvels again - if even for just a moment.

But Cash Flow Show IV is, at the very least, honest about its intentions. People selling are hungry. People buying need gifts. And an inexpensive, hand-made something or other carries more meaning than a cheap, plastic-encased shaving set from Target.

Santa would hope, anyway.

This year's Cash Flow Show moves from its annual Thursday night showing to a two-day extravaganza. In addition to the awesome art, you can expect music, food, tarot card reading on Sunday and, of course, tea you can't find anywhere else in Tacoma.

Help Grit City's creative types enjoy a holiday season that includes more than pocket lint and Top Ramen. Because, you know, you're supporting their work with actual money. It's a win-win.

[Mad Hat Tea Co., Saturday, Dec. 10, 7-11 p.m., Sunday, Dec. 11 noon top 4 p.m.,  no cover, 1130 Commerce St., Tacoma, 253.441.2111]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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PLUS: 2011 Super Best of Tacoma Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

My Christmas Eve commute is long, obviously. It's a pain in the cane to dial in radio station in every town. Don't get me started on radio at the North Pole. It's not great anywhere, but it's just especially bad here, people, and I spend a lot of time in my sleigh.

SiriusXM offers 140 channels of music, news, sports, etc. and just might keep me from plowing my sleigh into a 747, which I might do if I have to keep fruitlessly scanning the airwaves for another year. A year's subscription is $16.99 a month.

If you need the XM XpressRCi Satellite Radio Receiver with PowerConnect Vehicle Kit, it's on sale for $49.99 at Best Buy. That's a freakin' $120 off the regular price.

[Best Buy, $49.99 online, 214 S. 48th St., Tacoma, 253.476.4871]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

LINK: Santa Says RSS feed

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PLUS: 2011 Super Best of Tacoma Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

PLUS: 2011 Best of Olympia Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

SANTA SAYS >>>>

By the time Santa was 6, my mother had already figured out I was a little too chubby and clumsy to be in the ballet, but when I decided I wanted to be an ice skater, she didn't have the heart to tell me that might not be the best fit, either. For four years, I donned brightly colored leotards and caught the sleigh to the local hockey rink, where I failed miserably at learning the simplest turns and spins. All I really wanted to do was skate.

As I have mention before, the Tacoma Art Museum and Franciscan Health Systems have erected an outdoor ice-skating rink across the street from TAM for those who just want to skate. 

And today's the perfect day to try it out. Not only is the rink open from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m., and the neighboring Two Five Trees tree lot open, AND the European-style outdoor holiday market bustles in front of TAM, but a free community festival will consume the museum, too.

Sugar and spice and everything free is Santa song of today's Let It Snow community festival, a merry, merry tradition that's ho-ho-hosted every year by the Tacoma Art Museum. The free community event lights up at 10 a.m. and includes dance performances by Metro Arts and Grant Elementary, festive music from the Rainier Ringers and portraits in spoken word and image from 20 local presenters. While the entertainment fills the main floor, free craft projects will be offered upstairs. Create a pop-up holiday card for family and friends or an ornament to hang on our community tree in Tollefson Plaza.

Everything the Tacoma Art Museum envisioned this holiday season comes to fruition today.

[Tacoma Art Museum, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., free, ice skating $7-$8, 1701 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.272.4258]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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PLUS: 2011 Super Best of Tacoma Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

We all love to sing. Singing is fun; singing is cool. However, life is cruel, and as much as we all love to sing, well, we can't.  We suck.  Or, to put this in a positive manner, there are those who can sing solo and there are those who should always, always, sing in groups. The larger the better. For those of you, who fall into the second category, head to Lakewood Sunday. 

Director Tom Goleeke and the community and choir of Christ Lutheran Church present a "Messiah Sing-Along" so you can sing to your tone-deaf little heart's content. 

[Christ Lutheran Church, Sunday, Dec. 4, 2 p.m., free, 8211 112th St. S.W., Lakewood, 253.582.0331]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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PLUS: 2011 Super Best of Tacoma Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

Through the years, I have received my fair share of boots, coats, hats and long johns. You know ... the kind of gifts that either end up in the return pile or buried deep in the back of the closet to never see the light of day.

I've also received a mass of lovely fuzzy, warm sweaters knitted by my one and only love, Mrs. Claus. Yeah, back of the closet – handy enough to pull out when she requests but buried deep as to not give me nightmares or scare innocent children.

Ah, but the sweaters can come in handy, especially this time of year. AND it's time to bust out one of those bedazzled, hand stitched, thrown together balls of red and green yarn. Max Muscle Sports Nutrition store hosts another Ugly Sweater Holiday Party and Santa received an invite. I'm going to take the stash of cash back to the North Pole suckas.

Max Muscle's Ugly Holiday Sweater Party will be held Friday, Dec. 16. It's a fundraiser for the Puyallup Food Bank, which is awesome. Expect food, music, dancing and a silent auction.

So dig around for your ugliest sweater and face off with Santa. Warning: I'm bringing the Mrs. Claus 1954 Mamie Eisenhower Hugging A Snowman Sweater. Yup, you all are going down.

For more information, visit Max Muscle's Facebook.

[Max Muscle, Ugly Sweater holiday Party, Dec. 16, 6-10 p.m., $3-$20, Meridian Habitat Park Community Center, 14422 Meridian St. E., Puyallup, 253.229.4735]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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PLUS: 2011 Super Best of Tacoma Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

Those bold and brassy horn-players over at the Gig Harbor Orchestra are ditching the rest of orchestra. But don't worry - it's for one night only. Without the addition of those pansy woodwinds and strings (I kid!), the Signature Brass Quintet has a chance to shine in all its strong, honking glory - though they will be accompanied by soprano Meg Daly and organist Jeff Orr.

Get blasted into the holiday season Dec. 10 as the quintet performs traditional carols, popular tunes, and classical masterpieces with a horny spin. All puns aside though, the quintet will perform a swing version of "Jingle Bells," Pachelbel's "Canon" displayed through an unbelievable number of carol themes and "Do You Hear What I Hear" interpreted like Ravel's "Bolero."  A highlight will be when the Quintet and Jeff Orr combine for Handel's "Concerto for Organ." 

From the sublime "Christmas Concerto" by Corelli of the Baroque era, to the mariachi sounds of "Feliz Navidad," the concert will be entertaining and festive.

[St. John's Episcopal Church, Saturday, Dec. 10, 7 p.m., free, donations accepted, 7701 Skansie Ave., Gig Harbor, gigharbororchestra.org]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

LINK: Santa Says RSS feed

LINK: Arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Give the Weekly Volcano a "LIKE" present

PLUS: 2011 Super Best of Tacoma Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

PLUS: 2011 Best of Olympia Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks