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The good word out of Tacoma is Jessica Spring, proprietor of Springtide Press in Tacoma. You can learn letterpress printmaking from Spring.  You can rent her photopolymer plate making equipment. You can buy her artist books, broadsides and ephemera incorporating handmade paper and letterpress printing. And you can view her art at the Greater Tacoma Community Foundation show, which she won.

What Santa is really licking his candy cane over is you can print a Christmas ornament on Spring's letterpress equipment while tossing back holiday drinks Tuesday night at The Tempest Lounge. Spring will be on hand from 6:30-8:30 p.m. allowing you to drink while operating her heavy machinery.

Bring canned and packaged food for the Emergency Food Network.

[Tempest Lounge, Tuesday, Dec. 20, 6:30-8:30 p.m., food donations, Tempest Lounge, 913 Martin Luther King Jr. Way, Tacoma, 253.272.4904]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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You might be familiar with Bobble Tiki – the cranky wooden souvenir tiki has written about the South Sound music scene for the Weekly Volcano since the weekly rag launched in 2001. Bobble Tiki writes skewed, highly opinionated music columns - sporadically spell-checked sometime between his morning pedicure/colonic and his heavily medicated regression therapy treatment/wine tasting.  The columns always contain strong language, irony, deadpan humor and occasional pointed remarks about the NBA, Britney and liquid cheese products. The columns are suitable for anyone who loves pleated khakis, pink wine or Meg Ryan movies.

Anyhoo, every year at this time Bobble Tiki promises himself that he's going to act less like Lady Macbeth and more like Ebbey Scrooge - after the graveyard scene, of course - you know, dancing around in a nightshirt making merry, in keeping with the situation. And Bobble Tiki forbids the NBA or those freakin' icicle lights to spoil his attention to goodwill toward men, which Bobble Tiki intends to do Wednesday night during at the Project: U takeover of Cork! Wine Bar.

Project: U, the United Way of Pierce County program run by 20- and 30-somethings, will host a fundraiser and toy drive at the Tacoma wine bar. Cork! has generously agreed to donate 20 percent of all sales proceeds from the evening to the United Way of Pierce County in the fight to improve the lives of all in Pierce County. The new, unwrapped toys collected will be earmarked for United Way's Season of Caring program and the children of Pierce County.

Visit www.project-u.org for more information. 

Drop by Wednesday with a toy or two, sip wine and give some encouraging words to the little tiki in the corner.

[Cork! Wine Bar, Wednesday, Dec. 14, 6-10 p.m., 606 N. State St., Tacoma, 253.212.1492]

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The favorite pastime of some wine drinkers during the holidays: bitching about everybody who isn't there. This got started on the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men's wives met over several bottles of wine:

"I can't believe they're out again chasing a gormless star!"

Families have passed on the revered tradition across the globe, who sit down to wonderful holiday meals and several gallons of wine, then assassinate the characters of relatives and friends who couldn't make it - especially those who sent really crappy gifts.

If you are such a family, you might as well enjoy the wine during the bitch session. Pour At Four wine bar in Tacoma's Proctor District will host a "Christmas Selections" wine tasting tonight beginning at 5 p.m. Pour At Four will pour bubbles, whites, reds (a big, juicy Shiraz!) and a very lovely dessert wine.

The tasting is complimentary. The knowledge gained is priceless.

[Pour At Four, Tuesday, Dec. 13, 5:30-8 p.m., complimentary, 3814 N. 26^th St., Tacoma, 253.761.8015]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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With the United State's economy still in the crapper, who has the money to go out drinking? Then again, if you can't go out and drown your sorrows, what are you going to do, sit at home in your undervalued condo and sulk?

The solution: BYOB wherever you go.

Whether your poison is top-shelf, gold-label Jameson's or good old Southern Comfort, a stainless steel flask will provide portable, easy access to your favorite booze all night long. Once you purchase that first ginger ale of the evening, you can just keep discreetly refilling your glass throughout the night.

The best feature of the stainless steel flask may be its versatility. Try it for parties, train travel, or to spice up even the most boring business luncheons.

The Harp & Shamrock in Tacoma's Proctor neighborhood carries awesome flasks, most with Irish emblems on the front and some with embedded shot cups. They sell for $43-$53.

While at the Harp, why not take it all the way and buy that special someone a kilt.

[Harp & Shamrock, 2704 N. Proctor St., Tacoma, 253.752.5012]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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Let's go to the mailbag. ...

Dear Santa,
As long as the malls are going to ruin our credit ratings, they could at least provide a few amenities. For example, the malls need to do something for us dads waiting in line so that our kids can see you. I'm asking you to place a keg every 15 feet in your line, just to keep up morale. And if alcohol is deemed too negative an influence on children, how about if your elves dressed a little more like Victoria's Secret models?

Love, Mike Thompson of Tacoma

Dear Mike,

Get you butt over to see the fine folks at BJ's Restaurant and Brewhouse, which is butt against the Tacoma Mall. Numerous stores stock all sorts of crap to entertain the women while the guys watch sports and drink booze at BJ's. The space is so nicely appointed that your significant other won't be disappointed that you've taken her to a place with "Brew" in its name. Even better, the big-screens are situated mostly around the central bar, so there's no way a guy can pay proper attention to his date. With so many games and commercials featuring nubile women flashing up there, I'm surprised more people don't discover they're epileptic.

The Weekly Volcano reviewed BJ's here.

[BJ's Restaurant and Brewhouse, 11 a.m. to midnight Monday-Saturday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. Sunday, 4502 S. Steele St.  Suite 1500, Tacoma, 253.472.1220]

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It's a blend, but frankly most people who insist on single-malts wouldn't know good scotch if it popped out of a Jack-in-the-box.

And Chivas is good scotch. Smooth, smoky, dark and it doesn't rip up your throat going down.

I have to admit that I've never actually tasted the 18-year-old variant, but at that age it can only be excellent.

Here's the deal: I'll visit your house Christmas Eve. You put a bottle and a cut-crystal tumbler next to the cookies and I'll toast your good taste.

Sound good?

[Washington State Liquor Stores, $49.95, website for locations]

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

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SANTA SAYS >>>>

Raise your hand if you're tired of the holidays already.

I am. It's crazy up here at the North Pole. The rude sleigh traffic, the tackle-football present wrapping and the inescapable holiday jingles make me want to curl up with a bottle and emerge when it's over. Perhaps I have a case of toy-making dysfunction.

How are you handling the craziness?

Stoke the holiday spirit by heating up a batch of spiced, mulled wine: red wine, orange juice, sugar, cinnamon and cloves. Invite friends over. Proceed to get your wine on and neglect the tree.

Better yet, join the millions of Americans who are buying the pre-decorated fake ones, and laughing about it over holiday drinks at the neighborhood bar.

Santa found the tastiest holiday drink at the Parisian-ish 1022 South lounge on Hilltop Tacoma. Owner and bartender Chris Keil created a delicious seasonal sip with his Holiday Hero made with Lemon Hart 151 Demerara Rum, masala chai from Mad Hat Tea Co. and heavy cream, emulsified, heated and poured into a cocktail glass.

I'm telling you this jingled the hell out my bells. Three quick sips followed my first long sip of this creamy blanket in a cup as if I was scared Papa Elf was going to rip if from my glove. The potent rum hides like a present in the back of Christmas tree.

[1022 South, opens at 4 p.m. daily with a happy hour until 8 p.m., 1022 S. J St., Tacoma,  253.627.8588]

LINK: We Scene It

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I won't let Mrs. Claus toss it. I have a firm grip on my Christmas-light-laden and obscenely geometric printed green-and-red sweater. It's my go-to ugly holiday sweater. This puppy captured three ugly sweater contests, including the Winter Warlock's 2003 Festival of Lightsabers & Ugly Holiday Sweater Party. That, my friends, was off the hook.

Anyway, my point to all of this is I'm thinking about hitting Doyle's Public House's Bad Sweater Party 6 Wednesday, Nov. 23. The ugly holiday sweater contest prizes will be shelled out for the best worst male, best worst female, best worst couple and best worst group.

"This aint no Cosby contest, this is strictly holiday sweaters," says Doyle's co-owner Russ Heaton.

In support of Project Red, Doyle's will be introducing the COSBY - a unique concoction featuring Belvedere vodka that will help hide the fact you're wearing a hideous holiday sweater.

LINK: Photos from Bad Sweater Party 2009

[Doyle's Public House, Wednesday, Nov. 23, 7-11:30 p.m., no cover, 208 St. Helens Ave., Tacoma, 253.272-7488]

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Happy holidays everyone! Santa is ready for his holiday invitations!

If you are in the same boat as me and haven't already been invited to several holiday functions, it may be time to take the hint and start making a few new friends.  I know I am. There's no better way to ingratiate yourself to those whose company you would like to keep than to host a festive seasonal gathering.

But what to serve?

Egg nog is swell, but I prefer my rum with pineapple juice and my eggs over-easy.

The following cocktail suggestions are easy to make and are sure to catapult you to the top of the "A" list for the 2011 party circuit.

Holiday Cosmopolitan

Serves 20
One's first instinct might be to shun this red drink. It has the look of a snowman's drink. But lay aside those bigoted thoughts. First of all, if it's a Cosmo worth drinking (not watered down), it will actually be pink, not red. That's even worse for those who fear an insult to their manliness!

This variation of the popular contemporary martini called a Cosmopolitan goes down like a candy cane, but be forewarned, elves won't be able to handle it.

Ingredients
1 24-ounce bottle of premium vodka
8 ounces Cointreau
24 ounces cranberry juice (Ocean Spray style)
3/4 cup of freshly squeezed lime juice
6 ounces ice
1 package fresh cranberries

Mix all ingredients together, then chill in refrigerator. To serve, fill a martini or wine glass with ice and add 3 ounces of cranberry concoction. Garnish with a couple of fresh cranberries.

Mulled Wine

Serves 14
The surreal method of thawing out guests who trekked in from the cold.

Ingredients
2 teaspoons whole cloves
4 cinnamon sticks
2 teaspoons aniseed
1 cup freshly squeezed orange juice
4 tablespoons honey
1 cup Calvados or Southern Comfort
2 oranges, sliced
2 bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon or other dry red wine

Combine all the ingredients in a large saucepan. Gently simmer over medium heat for 30 minutes. Pour through a strainer. Save the orange slices and discard the remaining solids. Pour the wine into heated mugs. Add one orange slice per mug and serve.

Singled Out

Serves one to 20
Too busy shopping to prepare cocktails? Here's the solution.

Ingredients
1 bottle single malt scotch
2 crumpled up pages of newspaper
6 sticks of kindling
1 fireplace with 3 pieces of firewood

Pour 1 to 2 ounces of scotch into empty glass. Build fire. Proceed to make interesting conversation while staring into the fireplace and sipping scotch (if you do not have a fireplace, an aquarium will suffice).

Music to mix by

Christmas Cocktails, various artists, (Capitol Records). Part of their excellent Ultra Lounge series.

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The holiday season is the time of year when wine becomes savior. To handle the anal-retentive mother, the grizzly, macho father and neurotic siblings, all one needs is a glass of delicious, preferably inexpensive, red wine. It's amazing what you won't care about.

But what do you do with your visiting family after the wine is gone, last shred of wrapping paper lands in a trash bag, the feast is demolished and you've tired of admiring - or deploring - your gifts?

You put them up at the Hotel Murano.

Tacoma's fancy schmancy downtown Tacoma hotel is discounting its rates for the holiday season. Its holiday promotion is priced at $99 per night and includes free parking. This price is good Nov. 20-27 and Dec. 18-31.

Plus, hotels + holidays = festive cocktails. Since you'll likely be spending time in the Murano's lobby, why not try some of the season-appropriate cocktails served by the lovely Kristina.

Drink up, and be glad the family's staying at the Murano this year.

[Hotel Murano, 1320 Broadway, Tacoma, 253.238.8000]

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