SANTA SAYS >>>>

Nothing says "holiday spirit" better than telephonic contact with Lou Ferrigno, Ron "Horshack" Palillo, Larry Holmes or any of the other washed-up nobodies who are now touching base with their "fans" in calls of up to 30 seconds in duration. Just figure out which trash-culture vulture on your holiday giving list would most appreciate a call from a shameless Z-lister, pay the nominal fee, and said has-been will deliver a live greeting sometime in the next seven days.

You may have already heard about this service on NPR or a number of newspapers across the nation. But nobody has thus far pointed out the best thing about the offer: the chance to verbally abuse the star in question until he or she hangs up in disgrace. "So, you're Amber Smith, huh? Holy crap, whatever happened to you?"

The cost is $19.95 to $29.95 for a phone call. You can also send $5 email video greeting cards.

Order the awesomeness here.

PLUS: 2011 South Sound Holiday Happenings

LINK: Santa Says RSS feed

LINK: Arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Give the Weekly Volcano a "LIKE" present

PLUS: 2011 Super Best of Tacoma Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks

PLUS: 2011 Best of Olympia Bought and Sold Readers' and Staff picks