SANTA SAYS >>>>
Christmas carols might have us believing that the holidays are a time of peace on earth and goodwill toward men; a time of love and snow and reindeer and spirit. Driving in traffic, standing in line at a grocery store, and dining with friends and family sometimes tells a different story.
Up here at the North Pole, you're as likely to be cut off as not let in onto busy arterials. If you signal your intentions to change lanes, it's entirely possible the jerk in the sleigh next to you 
will whip a reindeer to close the gap you could have squeezed in to. It's likely that the elf putting on her mascara while chatting on her cell phone won't notice her candy cane red light, and will blaze through the intersection you just entered. And then there's that Eskimo driving alone in his Super Sleigh, sucking up the space in the HOS lane.
What is etiquette about?
That might be the same Eskimo with a cart full of items in his cart, standing in the "10 and under" lane at Yukon Cornelius's Silver and Gold Market under the rationale that the four different cases of eggnog are all eggnog, so they should be considered one item. Possibly, the elf with her cell phone, eyelashes full of mascara, might be in the next lane, bragging into her cell about how many Elmo dolls she can crank out in an hour, all the while blissfully ignoring the cashier checking her items. This is the same elf who might have breezed through her last haircut and color without tipping, reasoning with a shrug, "Well, it was, like super expensive, so, like, the hairdresser was still making money off me."
What is etiquette about?
Let's start with basic dining etiquette, such as watching your host to glean appropriate actions, putting your napkin on your lap within five minutes of sitting down at the table, passing the salt and pepper together. All of these small actions together help reinforce the cardinal rule of making those around you comfortable.
Then there's the proper way to set your dinner table. I've been to many an elf dinner party where nothing makes sense.
If you're looking to improve your table setting etiquette, may I suggest the 13th Annual Beautiful Tables Showcase currently open at Lakewold Gardens in Lakewood. More than 30 decorated tables are showcased. The exhibit of table settings represents a wide variety of holiday and special events including whimsical, formal and traditional settings. The showcase is a fundraiser for the gardens
Next year I challenge someone to design the kitchen table inside my castle's lunchroom. You must be able to work with naked Bounty cardboard tubes, cupcake crumbs, an honor system candy and snack display short $4.50, a dried pineapple pizza topping, a plastic fork with one prong missing and "You Should See My Candy Cane" carved into one of the tabletops. Horrible.
[Lakewold Garden Estate, Thursday, Nov. 3-Sunday, Nov. 6, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., $10, $5 Lakewold members, 12317 Gravelly Lake Dr. SW, Lakewood, 253.584.6115]
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Not only did the Tacoma organization have a say in the title of the campaign - which sounds very similar to Go Local's "Shift Happens" campaign - but Tacoma's Hemisphere Design & Marketing Creative Director Heather Stajgr designed the logo, which is posted above.
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My Magic Snowball is on the fritz. Thankfully, Morso Wine Bar in Gig Harbor hosts a sparkling wine tasting Friday.
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