Best of Bar Exam
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I need a shower!
by Steph DeRosa
Jul 17, 2008
It’s been over seven long, tedious months since the birth of the Bar Exam, our Weekly Volcano’s bastard child. I don’t even want to imagine what went on during Bar Exam’s conception, but something tells me it was a combination of dominatrix-style porn and a malfunctioning prophylactic.
Today, in celebration all the cheap beer and multiple tetanus shots I’ve endured, I give to you my Best of Bar Exam:
Best fun at a dive bar – Barb’s Westgate Inn
There’s no intimidation rallying at this joint. Grab a table and Millie (the resident grandmother) has no qualms about starting up a friendly conversation. Go outside in the smoking area, and there’s the owner asking you to join him in his quest to die of lung cancer. Back inside at the bar, you order your drink as the barfly on the stool next to you compliments your drink selection, “Excellent choice!” he voluntarily chimes. And let’s not forget the barstool bingo, aside from beer pong — Best. Bar Game. Ever.
Best scary dive bar – Home Plate Tavern
Toothless ladies glaring us down. The memory still makes me curl up and cry.
Best place to not eat – Tower Lanes
How many people do you think wash their hands before they bowl? And how long does that shit (pun intended) cake up in those dark finger holes? Now imagine a basket of fries being delivered lane-side. C’mon, even The Dude would have a problem with this scenario.
Best hidden bar – King Solomon’s Reef
Left, right, sharp turn, dark narrow hallway, right, left, through a dilapidated door, right again, past the restrooms and PRESTO! There you have The Reef. There’s no way your fourth wife, your baby’s mama, or you parole officer is finding you here. Drink up Brad Allen, drink up.
Yeah, I know the Weekly Volcano’s Best of Tacoma issue isn’t until July 31. Shut up!
User comments
submitted 10:52 on Jul 17, 2008 by Tacoma Dive BarWe APPLAUD the long hours of research you put into the Bar Exam. Truly a public service to South Sound residents!
submitted 04:18 on Jul 17, 2008 by Steph DeRosaWhy Thank YOU! If only I could write my bar tab off as a charitable donation. You're working on making that possible, right?
